I'm Katsigner

Pre-Wedding Pictures

2011-12-24T12:30:00.002+08:00

Today marks the 14th day after our Wedding; 2 weeks we got wed... Still mesmerizing on our special day... Although our actual day photos are not out yet, I'm still flipping over our pre-wedding pictures over and over again... I do missed all the fun we had on that day with our photographer, Monica Eng from Vividshots... It's just so natural for us and I really love her style in photography... We indeed had so much fun together, taking pictures have never been so great before...

Over here I'd like to share a few of our pre-wedding pictures that I like the most... Also, I'd also like to thank Euzart Wong from Jawn Happy Ever After for these beautiful Cheongsam & Gowns, Eric from Personality Menshop for the handsome suit and shirts, Ophelia Tan from Pretty Box for the gorgeous hair-dos and make-up, Nic from Flores Inc. for the beautiful hand bouquet... Without these wonderful and fun-loving people, these pictures will not turn out to be that great... Big Cheers to them!!!

Our full Wedding Album can be viewed in my Facebook profile HERE!!!

Taken along Balestier Road...

Taken within a coffee shop along Balestier Road...

Taken at Grand Shanghai...

Taken at Hort Park...

A Remembrance; My Wedding

2011-12-20T21:20:00.000+08:00

Finally, I got my Wedding on the 10th December 2011; one of the sweetest moment I ever had with my hubby Lionel in my entire life. I thank God for this, to be with me till the day I wed on this special day... It has been tough on us to be together and gone through the Wedding together, marking a significant day of our lives...

It has past 9 days, I'm still mesmerizing on that day as though my Wedding is still alive... I greatly missed the day... Finally, it was a grand finale for Lionel and I after we have been through so much to get together... This marked the beginning of our marriage life together as husband and wife... In remembrance, I want to keep this day in mind deeply as a reminder to myself that it was never easy to be together as a couple... For all the turmoils we have been through that have lead us this far was indeed God's grace on us...

I'm thankful for our videographer, Christopher Tay from Ichiro Films who has captured the moment for us and create a story for us that touches our hearts... This video was captured in Mandarin, a language that I had used to express my emotions and feelings to Lionel in days when we were at our toughest...

Translation in English:

Title: You . I . Happiness

"We are not Perfect..."
"It's fate that had brought 2 persons of different thinking together..."

"Do you recall you had once told me that we can't have misunderstandings?"
"Therefore, I'd like to let you know I've never thought of leaving you..."
"After we've been through so much, I hope we can build a beautiful tomorrow for our future..."

"Fight for your own happiness, agree?"

你 . 我 . 幸福 from Christopher Tay on Vimeo.

A Release...

2011-10-25T00:24:00.000+08:00

Finally, I braced up and made the very first step to move on for a better start... For a better well being and to lead a better future, I truly realize the gist of being truthful to myself and take on self-responsibilities...

For nearly 10 years, even when I was a teen, I tend to have this ideal perception that life will be much better as I grow up... To my real horror, it's the facts of life; my life situation(s) didn't actually improve... All things literally have gone way out of my hands... I thought I'm smart enough to manage all aspects of my life - my career, finances, relationship, family, etc. etc. etc... It finally occur to me that I've been losing myself so much that when I realize what I should be doing it in the right way; I feel so brand new... Still in a daze, trying to re-know the new me...

I couldn't believe it... It's like finally seeing myself how wrong can I be in the past... Through God's grace, I finally get to understand why the horrifying acts of human can be so wrong... Instead of viewing them negatively and starting to be judgmental, I've re-looked human behavior in a different manner... I started to know why and the reason behind... All things suddenly appear to be very simple and straightforward... It's like God has displayed everything out clearly for me without any gray area... Right now, I'm able to give thanks within my heart with true gratitude...

I still have the old me in me... Old habits die hard... I've to learn the art of patience and endurance in order to overcome the bad self of mine... I've the confidence I'll strive hard and look forward in great positiveness without looking back..

Looking Forward

2011-10-20T15:12:00.001+08:00

Things have cooled down... Still feeling negative at times... I slurred this afternoon... I presented myself at the very best, though not as satisfactory as I thought what I want to be, I begin to be more kind to myself... It's ok... I've done my best... Things are actually not that bad...

I deserve all the good treats I should give myself... A pat on my shoulder... I've done well for today and I'm positive that things will go well as what I want it to be... Looking at the bright side, everything will just be fine and I'll be a happy person again!!!

It will be a good start... I'm looking forward for a better tomorrow...

Through Thick & Thin, We will go through this together

2011-10-20T00:53:00.001+08:00

"I promised to love you, honour you, comfort you and keep you in sickness and in health and be faithful to you so long as we both shall live..."

This is our marriage vows; vows that we made to each other 2 years ago... Although I have gotten things into perspectives, I was down to negativity yesterday... Suddenly, I got this very negative thought that Lionel has given up our marriage... I started to picture myself in misery once I learn about this... Even I'm well prepared for the worst, to certain degree, I'm not ready to face a cruel fact posted to me... I felt despair... I lost track....

It took me quite some time to bring myself back and gear towards the bright side of life... I shouldn't worry for the worst, in fact I should prepare for the best... When I realize I'm no longer alone in this world, I get into this deep understanding life is still very much worth living for... For 10 years, my life is never a bed full of roses... Because of my pride, I was brave to lead another day... This world is beautiful and I'm definitely worth living to be part of this world... I thank God for this, deeply...

The very first thing I need to do is to love myself more, forgive myself and learn to embrace myself... In order to love Lionel the way I want, this will be the very first thing I need to focus on... I know Lionel needs to be more kind to himself, he can't always lead his life by pleasing everyone around him... Seeing him suffer in this manner is the deepest pain I can ever have...

All I want to do now is to continue encouraging him, to change for the better for the benefit of a better self... I want him to learn to love himself and embrace himself more... He had finally responded to my messages and willing to talk... Though his message is just that short, the picture he has sent to me already speaks everything...

I truly believe we can have a good start and a better tomorrow...

The Art of Patience

2011-10-18T01:00:00.002+08:00

I've sent Lionel a card, an envelope of our dating & ROM memories with some short messages and an email expressing my feelings in Chinese... He has not been really responding... I started to get impatient... The moment I started to feel angry, I came here and started to blog...

I do not know since when I started to get so short temper and impatient... Perhaps it's my job, the societal pressure and maybe it's the environment... I don't know... It could also my feel in need to catch up the lost I had and been running hard against time... All these can be the reason(s) behind... But it is no longer important now because right now patience is going to be my friend...

I made several posts in my Facebook wall, in hope Lionel can read them.. My thoughts, my realization, and also how I'm doing at work and home... He knows I hate Mondays because Mondays are the days I'll have to go home late due to late night meetings... Thinking back, after I'm out from the office, I'll always call him and tell him how much nonconstructive talks we had during meetings... I'll complain to him about my boss, how much he likes to beat about the bush and never gets to the point... Blah blah blah I will go on and on... Sometimes I just never stop... I believe he knows I'm not liking my Mondays for being so blue and dark... And he has been listening and never hang up on me except for a few times, our lines got cut off.

You know...Very ironically, at most times when we quarrel over the phone, the line will just get cut off when I'm too angry and started ranting a hell out to Lionel... When I called back, or he called back, he said the line was cut off... It can seems that he did it deliberately, but it was a known fact to us that the reception in my place sucks, esp. in the kitchen... Lines can get cut off often; Lionel called the service provider once for clarification and felt like telling them off and stop cutting our lines off while we are fighting over the phone... Hahaha... Thinking of this do amuse me... ~Sign~ Now we are not really talking over phone like what we used to every night... One week and two days have passed, and I don't know what are his thoughts, and how is he feeling... It is indeed worrying to me... I had dropped him a few SMSes to his mobile and hope he could at least respond but he didn't... I plan to go over to our new home this Saturday and I had made this known to him, hoping he can come and talk...

I Have Finally Realize It...

2011-10-16T23:30:00.000+08:00

I missed blogging... Blogging down my inner thoughts for inner search of answers via self-reflection really helps me to understand myself better...

I prayed in desperation to God... I need help because I was really lost... I feel as though I'm left with no choices... I cried and cried, till my mind can no longer take the stress... My body relented, gave way and I fell asleep... Things happened last Saturday in my new flat which Lionel and I broke down in a way we both did not want... What worst that could have happened was our problems have turned into a case of domestic violence... His mum witnessed this...

I was in deep pain, a pain so deep within me that led me to nowhere... I was desperate for answers and solutions to our problems... I was seeking... After days of feeling so low and sad over what had happened.. I've come to acceptance on what had already happened... In a minute ray of light this morning when I woke up, I finally can see hope... I'm no longer alone... This world is still a very beautiful place to be in... Though my life is not always a bed of roses, as long I've the courage to face myself and live for another day, my life will be different... I thank God for this...

After knowing what went wrong in my marriage, I felt intensely a need to let Lionel know how I feel... All my inner genuine emotions just flowed out naturally after I hear a song that had brought us together... It hit me to a point that I need to do something before it's too late... I wrote to Lionel and emailed him... As much as I'm impatient and eager to know how he reacts after he read my email, I know I just have to give him time... I'm worried, very much worried... But I need to be patient and allow him to cool down and sort things out before he get back to me...

I recognized the various issues and problems I have that had inevitably rolled into my marriage, I need to work on it... Lionel has his insecurities, I hope he can walk out and know what he should have fight for a better tomorrow... As his spouse, I want to be his spiritual and emotional support, be someone who can encourage him and walk this thr' together with him... I hope he can understand and come to realization... I just want him to know despite on what had happened, I have never thought of leaving him and I'm still there for him when he needs me...

I'm hoping he can see this and I'm relying and holding strong on his faith in me and trust in himself... My dear Lionel, I do miss you that much and I do love you as much as you always have... We will have a better tomorrow if we walk thr' this together... You got to believe me, trust me...

Deceptive Semblance

2011-04-13T00:32:00.000+08:00

I feel deceived in this deceptive semblance... The World with masquerade and pretense...

I deceived the World... With a semblance that's untrue...

I feel genuine when I look through Myself... from the mirror of Truth

I portrayed my Reflection... where Myself is not genuine

Deceiving Faces

2011-04-11T00:15:00.001+08:00

As such is life, I always thought I'm very good at looking people... However, I was wrong... And very gradually, in fact at this point of time, I started to believe that how a person looks decipher the person's character, personality and motive... I may not be in any status to provide any judgment or to give any criticisms... However the moment I see the person right into their eyes, somehow or rather, through words of mouths, I view different faces of a person...

I find myself very hard to accept myself with different portrayals, and at the point of time I deeply sense something is very wrong, it's either my obstinacy brings me to further deepness of the devil's well or I started to feel guilty... I can then truly understand why the Fall of Mankind is so delirious... Taking into account of my faith towards humanity, there's a history behind everyone's back. Indeed, I do believe there're others who are naturally born to be that bad, beyond the control of Mankind... Only God has the authority to take everything in full control. Not that I'm very aware of, Mankind's help is always that limited...

With rules set by Mankind, we thought we could be in control... When our mind overtakes us, that's where we lose all of our control and fall into great temptations of indulgences... Sadly to say, I'm trying real hard to get myself in a much better situation and it seems I can't be in control of the situation that's happening around me... Taking into account that I can't predict the future, everyday I'm leading is like gambling... God don't play dice, but Mankind does... It very hard for me to be in peaceful prayers with a clear mind, asking for God's hand to lift me up... And most of the time, may it be I'm in full awareness, I kept asking for courage to move on. That's the only strength I'm asking and no more else...

As I was journeying to work this morning, throughout the 60mins of ride, I noticed 3 commuters sitting besides me. All moved on to another empty seat whenever they saw one... Even I was dismay with one of them, I endured... Then I realised, I do have a choice - to get up and excuse myself to another seat or stay put. People come through and go away from my life, and on that ride, 3 commuters had moved on and where am I??? I'm stuck because I'm on the inside of the seat which made it more inconvenient for me to move out.In comparison to the 3 commuters, my view to spot an empty seat is not as good as theirs... The choice of excusing myself to make my way out may end up losing a seat in the end... So, it may be feasible to stay put where I am, despite the fact I'm really very uncomfortable. It's just like my current situation... However, towards the end of the journey, I was left alone on that seat and the commuter that I was dismayed at eventually move on to another empty seat... I was relieved but yet I don't feel good too. It's hard to make life choices wisely, especially the pastures over the other side is always greener and greener as we view from our current spot. At times, it can be just be that deceiving, depending whether we fall into the traps...

It's a risk most of us has to take... On the morbid side, before you know you're dead on the streets, things are already happening...

Sunday

2011-01-31T01:59:00.000+08:00

I've seen myself grown from a rebellious teenager to a matured married adult... Although I always have a lot of issues, I never deny the fact that I really have an issue with myself... It seems to be that I've reached a stage that I'd rather not to think about it than to face it barely...

Throughout this coming 2 years of my marriage life - to be precise it'll be this coming Friday and it so happens it's my birthday as well - we've been through a lot of fights, practically over the same issue... It's just that we present it over and over again in different presentations... We cried, argued, literally fought before, all those emotionally stress we both have given to each other; it didn't appear marriage should be this way... The amount of stress we have been giving to each other can be so tremendous that in most of the time, I wanted to give up our marriage... And indeed, we did come to a thought of divorcing...

It has been clear to me that I do have a severe issue that has been an imposing factor between us, I do recognise this fact... Even way before we dated, I know it's an issue I always want to resolve... Rather, it seems to me matter got worse and even worst when we got married... On the contrary, I do somehow believe I'm able to resolve this all by myself without his presence... Perhaps, right in the beginning I should have reassess my choices and choose not to be with him... Without his initial help, I would not take him for granted and it'd be much better off to rectify my issue on my own... On the surface, everything is well-suppressed... He's hoping I can prove him wrong and change for the better, whereas for me I was constantly under the kind of pressure given by him directly or indirectly... I felt I'm always at his mercy... Just 'cos I'm seem to be at fault, do my human pride and rights be robbed away and not be spared? Even a murderer who has been caught for 1st degree murder will have a chance to be judge fairly... In most of our fights, I felt so ripped to the extend I just wanted to end everything... Till this Sunday's night when we had another fight over the same old issue again, I feel a need to put this to a stop... I'm unable to bear the kind of burden I've been facing, neither do I want myself to subject to this again...

I want to lead a life with a freedom of choice base on freewill, not to make a choice that I'll feel obliged... All I ask for is for his understanding on the kind of emotional stress he has been giving me... As much as I need his support; both emotionally and morally, what he has been doing to me (whether he mean it or not) is not to put me under his mercy...While I'm trying my best to rectify my own issues, he failed to see me on the other side of the wall... He needs to step out to understand the kind of stress and pain I'm going through in order to overcome myself... Or else we'll never be able to face this issue altogether and resolve this effectively...

The Real Oppression...

2011-01-14T23:25:00.001+08:00

I'm always thinking; in-depth thinking... My brain cells are always constantly busy passing electric pulse via neurotransmitters - one across another - it's just like a travelling from one street to another in a busy city that doesn't seems to stop resting... At times, I feel I've been thinking too much, way across the boundary that only I, myself and Katie is able to understand...

Recently, I've been feeling oppressed... My heart is heavy yet my mind is free... Irony as it can be, it's indeed exactly how I'm feeling... Just 2 days ago, an incident occurred between my hubby and I... Bringing myself into reality that I'd need to resolve my own problems; for the benefit of myself as well as my hubby who loves me that much... The heavy feeling is almost indescribable, putting me in a situation I'm unable to judge and weigh the consequences... It's far more than just the usual issue we used to fight over... It looks like the main root of problems lies within myself...

Perhaps its truly human's natural instinct; fight to gain to be the fittest survivor... In a lot of aspect, it seems to be that I'm unable to contribute or even sacrifice unconditionally... Perceived as being selfish in most human context, I managed to realise how much I gain to protect my own interests; in the heart as well as the mind... Is the real world really mould me into what I am today?? Seriously, I really don't know... As much as I know I can be very judgmental and in a lot of times, I tend to weigh and justify in almost every situations by means of equation... I always shift the entire equilibrium towards my own interest which I deem as fair and just... But this is solely based on my own context... I don't deny this completely, neither I want to completely admit to this... I do feel upset each time I've conflicts with Lionel... I do feel hurt and I do cry to vent off the hurting emotions within my heart to release the tension... However, for the night we conversed, I cried but I don't feel that kind of hurt I used to have when I'm in love... Perhaps the levels of PEA in my body system has depleted... I'm unable to sustain that kind of loving feeling within myself to carry on my relationship with him...

I imposed myself several questions to clarify the situation I'm in... It's a fact that I still love him, but probably not as much and committed in my previous relationships... As unfair as it sounds, it seems to me this is really happening in me... For one thing I'm very sure; I've put the baggage of my past relationships way behind me... And clearly, I'm quite sure that the amount of love I committed in my current relationship is definitely not a "bring-over" of my past baggage... This is something I'm very glad to know, at least from this aspect I'm able to assess my relationship without an intruding factor that's not going to be fair... I wanted to make a difference, more than just being fair to my hubby, and before I even want to think about trying, I'm fighting hard against myself to come up with a solution that will work well...

I'm unable to think of anything right now... And I'm really oppressed... For now, I'm actually struggling on one same thing on 2 different situations... Striking a balance in this aspect is indeed challenging but yet it's a process I've to go through...

Welcoming Year 2011

2011-01-12T23:44:00.000+08:00

Very unfortunately, I fell sick during the last 2 weeks of last December... Not good... I was unable to enjoy 2010's X'mas and New Year fully... Although I'm all well and good, not to the extend that I had to be bedridden to recuperate, the ending of 2010 was not really fantastic to me...

It seems to be the older I am, the more I don't find any excitement in my life... As strange as it is, I'm actually in a life stage that I'm moving up; new prospective career path, upcoming wedding this year end, getting keys to my new flat and gradually I'll be moving towards parenthood... Life should be more interesting and exciting as before, rightfully speaking... However, to be really frank about it, the truth is I'm started to feel uneasy, to the extend I feel I might not be able to adapt to this new phase of life...As such as life, I'm expecting more responsibilities which apparently, it looks like I'm not really ready...

I welcomed 2011, in hope for a better head start... With upcoming wedding plans, this year will be a fulfilling one... I'm excited and looking very forward for my wedding and my new life with my hubby, Lionel... These are great positive anticipations, which is good motivation... I should be glad and be happy... But my past lessons have taught me well; life can never always be a bed of roses... I can dream and portray a beautiful life I'd be leading ahead... All free at no expense... However, it's fact that I've got to be very well prepared for the upcoming challenges I'd be facing... I might face even more problems or unexpected situations that might upset my life... I want to be well-prepared, seriously wanting to... But I know no matter how well-prepared am I, I'm not God and I'm just a mere human with limitations...

Currently, I'm facing certain life issues that I'd like to resolve... My health is one of them which I'm very much wanting to seriously resolve this before I start a family with Lionel... Well, to have this new start, I'm going to get this done soon...

Been Busy Recently

2010-11-11T00:18:00.000+08:00

Yes, I noticed that I didn't blog in the month of October... A month just passed and now it's November...

My life has been busy, and it seems it's getting busier and busier... I started to complain the time given is not ever going to be enough...

Tired though I'm awake now... Guess it's time I should get my ass off the computer and start getting myself ready for a good night sleep... Tomorrow will be a brighter day for me..

The Time of Resolution

2010-09-27T23:58:00.000+08:00

After being 4 months old in my new company, tonight is the night I've finally realised the resolution I've made for myself... In a lot of aspects which I expect and demand from myself; the kind of life I always wanted to lead - I've managed to fulfill at least a small part of it... I felt proud of it and I should say it's a good start and a new beginning of the life I always pin for...

Besides being in a better working environment and a healthier growing & learning curve for me, I noticed I'm starting to get back a little structure in my life which I hope this could be better in near future... Through a lot incidences during my life journey, I started to feel more appreciative on what I've now... There's literally nothing I've lose out, neither any regrets I should hold on to... Perhaps of my age, hitting my very first big "3" soon has more or less reminds me that I've already lived past a few decades... And seriously, how much more decades in my next subsequent decades of life I can afford to hold on to my past??? I've reached a stage that I perceived 24hrs a time seems never enough for me and staying still (even in a daze) would probably a completely waste of time...

My everyday travelling time to and fro from work has already taken 3 hours of my time, somehow I feel the time for myself is getting lesser and lesser... Not only that, the travelling pacing of everybody is so fast that waiting 4 mins for the next train is almost unacceptable to most people... I can understand that, totally... Standard of living in Singapore has tremendously increased, and I witnessed that... I recalled 2 decades ago, pacing is never that fast... I only started to feel the fast pacing recently and inevitably I do feel tensed... Not something good, as I'll tend to run against time... Even the pacing of Singapore is that fast, I wouldn't want to deprived myself to get the kind of life I always wanted... Just for tonight, I just want to flow accordingly to the time given to me and enjoy it to the fullest...

The Month of September

2010-09-08T23:29:00.001+08:00

FLY Fly fly... Time really flies... And I've led my life one week since 1st of September...

Besides utilising an average of 3 hours of travelling time through and flow to work and home on top of my 8hr (plus overtime and late Monday meeting which I really hate) of office hours, I've beginning to realise my hours are getting lesser and lesser every day as it passes... Night tends to fall faster than I ever thought and at certain hours of the day, I feel so much like staying at home doing things I always wanted to do...

You know, the day of work can be so tiring that whenever I reached home, all I know is moment of blankness and idling to release the tension I faced in work... Although I'm pretty much under control in my current career but it's always a never-ending episode of my life till the day I quit my job... Work is always piling and dealing with people on a daily basis is always challenging, which is the most energy draining aspect of life...

I'm playing 3 major roles (product management, marketing & technical support) in my current position as a Manager in my company and as always, I'll always think I'm not being well-paid... On the contrary, for the amount of effort I put in every craftwork I create, I always don't look at the profit I'll be getting... Rather, I can spend hundreds of dollars in getting raw materials and work till late night but at the end of the day, my creation is either for my own appreciation or at a corner of my house... Earning a living and living a life is so different... My daily 8hrs of work depicts a good portrayal on how I'm actually earning a living... The rest of my hours are hours that I feel I've been wasting for don't know whatever reasons I can tell for now just to live a life... Breathe in Oxygen and aspirate Carbon Dioxide, and continue living... This sound so stupid...

Anyway, besides the point, I've been telling myself every day to cherish every second I got whenever I'm out from my office; to fully utilise the time given by God to really do things that will glorified Him... At this spur moment, I feel strongly I should pray more often and ask for strength and kick away my lazy bug in me... For Christ's sake, how I wish I can be that discipline like what I always preach about work ethnics and moral in my office... I wanted so strongly to adopt that characteristics of mine and apply to my own hours where I can really live my life to the fullest without feeling dejected at the end of the day... It's so easy to say and encourage myself everyday on my way back home from work, but it's always so hard to strike that balance I'm always yearning for...

It's the month of September, in a few more months, Christmas is coming... I pray deeply that I can get a well balance life... Amen...

I'm Thinking...

2010-08-12T00:06:00.000+08:00

I'm actually thinking... In deep thoughts on my way back this evening... With random thoughts... To the extend I don't know what am I thinking about...

At various chapters of my life I feel very appreciative and grateful on what I have on the kind of life I'm leading... I'm glad to be so much in great fortune compared to those who can't even have a say on what their life should be... And I shouldn't be complaining... Usually at such point, I feel the air is particularly fresher and my day is brighter than ever... But, when I started to think otherwise, I tend to forget the blissful life I have and I start cursing and swearing... Well, this is so typical of every human life...

I question when my mind is at a state of deep thoughts - why human beings are so darn unappreciative??? 2 days ago was the very first day of the Chinese Hungry Ghost Festival... As I walked along the streets, I could see burned incense papers, hell notes and offerings of food laying around almost every meter I walked... With those food served to those "hungry ghosts", all of the sudden I've this thought that flash across my mind... Why these people are offering these food to those "hungry ghosts" with a thought that by "feeding" them, they'll have peace in their life??? The answer is real obvious NO... I don't see what good can be done in this manner... And it's pretty a waste of food - an unappreciative manner where God still feed them despite they turn away from Him... Pardon me for being biblical here as this is my very first thought... Rather, if these food is to be given to those who are constantly fighting for survival, particularly in famine countries where almost 1 person died of hunger every minute, I feel this is much much more practical and could be life saving... On top of this, to add on, if these people are able to understand the Mother Nature; they'll realised for the amount of offerings they burned had actually contributing huge amounts of CO₂ and CO to the environment which is harmful to the Earth... Very unfortunately, a large of amount of these people actually know the fact as majority of them are educated... So why is this happening???

Perhaps it's my eccentric thinking and personality, I'm unable to put myself in their shoes and feel for them... 'Cos I feel deeply no matter what you do, you're simply serving an empty shell as a form of consolation - just to feel better within... I feel sad to face this fact even I know people have been doing this for centuries... I admit I sounded rude and perhaps not even giving them the basic respect for what they believe in... However, I'm a factual person, I view things based on things that happen evidently... And seriously, I don't apologise for this 'cos this is simply my thoughts and beliefs... Rightfully speaking, my thoughts and beliefs should be respected fundamentally, just as much as I give the most basic respect to everyone..

Gotten my Certification from SDU

2010-08-08T00:30:00.000+08:00

After my whole course of Scrapbooking with Laines Papeterie, I was certified with Excellence, together with all the Honors, Rights and Privileges as a Scrapbooker... It seems to be this certification is far more better than my UWA BSc... And a badge is awarded as well!!! Haha...

Life has been better for me since I took Scrapbooking as a hobby... Although workload is always piling and I can never finish them, for at least my current life situation is definitely better than usual... I do love the kind of work I'm doing and seriously, my career life is brighter and more prospectus... Most importantly, I feel respected as an individual even I might not be an expert in almost everything I do... This is the advantage working in a small company... Being a manager really heightens up my social status, and this has brought me with more respect, with more confidence in myself...

Well, life has been good... And I'm glad... With a new hobby, life will be richer and more colourful...

Fascinated by Hangzhou

2010-08-07T11:10:00.001+08:00

Yes... I'm still very fascinated... I'm having a hangover over my trip from Hangzhou... It was really a pity that we didn't manage to visit some of the places of interests such as the National Silk & Tea Museum, Wuzhen Ancient Town, Song Dynasty Town, etc... Kinda disappointed... Particularly upset after I watched Celebs On Board, a variety programme on Channel 8 on Thursday evening - the day I returned to Singapore... This is sad...

Well, at least I had a good shopping trip there... With an additional luggage packed with food bought at Walmart which is just beside to our hotel... The only thing I regret to do is to conduct a research on the city prior to leaving... As I thought our trip there might not provide us enough time to visit the various places of attractions, I didn't actually bother to do a check online...

The most exciting thing was that I managed to have a sumptuous dinner at one of the most famous restaurants in Hangzhou, Lou Wai Lou (楼外楼), right on the lake on an island off Beishan Road. This most famous restaurant in Hangzhou has an existence for over 150 years. As I walked up to our room for our dinner, the interior was so Oriental that I can't help but being in a "Wow" state... All of sudden, I've this thought of having my wedding there.. What an expensive thought of mine!!!

I even got this opportunity to try a couple of their specialty dishes such as the West Lake sweet & sour fish and the Beggar’s Chicken, wrapped in fresh lotus leaves and baked on fire. The chicken meat is soft and tender and falls easily off the bones. Even their desert, a mini mooncake tasted so different... It's refreshing and not too sweet, a nice wrapped up after having so much food... Of course not to say, the dinner was served with Hangzhou famous tea, Longjing (龙井茶)... The restaurant is usually full every night and a reservation is highly recommended. I heard from the host that they actually booked the restaurant 2 weeks in advance and have to order a series of dishes that sum up to 2000RMB before a room is provided for dining!!! They actually ordered so many food that we can't possibly finish everything... Just a small portion of every dish was fulfilling... However, I should say the dishes are really very unique and taste in a very different way... It's really truly exquisite Hangzhou's cuisine...

I saw this Emperor chair as I walked out from our dining room... It's forbidden to sit on it but I managed to sneaked into the barrier and sat on it... Hahaha... I didn't manage to take a picture of myself sitting there, that's a pity... However, one of our business personnel, a Taiwan lady managed to capture me sitting on it... This was so fun...

I had actually taken quite a number of pictures via my Nokia mobile phone showing how the city looks like, mostly on buildings while traveling from one place to another in a car... As the weather is really very hot, we didn't really stop by and take some serious pictures... In almost every street, I could actually see at least 1 guy going topless... This really shows how hot the weather is...

Despite the hot weather there, we did have a fun time there even it was on a business trip there... And I've thoughts of travelling there again with my dearest Hubby...

I'm Back from China, Hangzhou!!!

2010-08-05T23:44:00.004+08:00

Yes, I'm back this evening... With an extra baggage packed with food... It's really unbelievable that I actually came back with an extra baggage... Not even believable that I shopped for their local designers' apparel... Indeed, yes I bought quite a number of clothing...

This is the hotel (Vanwarm International Hotel) where we were staying - spacious and very comfortable... Especially the bathroom, one of the cleanest & nicest I ever encountered, particularly in China, this is simply amazing... This really shows how fast Hangzhou is developing... I thought I'd not be able to enjoy the trip and very much in concern about my own safety there, as well as getting myself around the city... Surprisingly, I managed to accommodate myself well in a foreign country...

The trip was fun together with my other 2 colleagues and we got along very well during our trip there... Just look at the photos we've taken... We're so fascinated by the hotel room that we simply can't stop taking pictures...

Our business dealings and meeting was good and host to us is really very nice... Food is good though it was really a lot and majority of us couldn't finish all of them... I happened to saw this interesting item which holds the fire extinguishers, something that's really very uncommon and China... Hangzhou is really a beautiful place, and we managed to get a glimpse of how the West Lake is like... Due to time constraint, we didn't manage to explore the West Lake... Neither do we fully utlised the time to venture into other places of interests...

I'd very much love to visit the city again... A nice trip afterall...

Newly Revamped...

2010-08-01T10:23:00.000+08:00

Yes.. I've revamped my Blog, as well as my other Blog that's latent for almost 3 years - Katsigner's Scrapbooking Cafe... Absolutely love the whole layout.. All thanks to ShabbyBlogs which I happened to bump into for all the wonderful designs these people has created... The designs are so great that I'm hooked onto it and have been trying different looks on what is available there... Finally I decided this design... In times to come, I'd really love to change the look as and when I'm free to do so...

Well, a new look - a new Life for me... As I always say, everyday seems to be a new Life for me (just wanna life up to my belief - Carpe diem; Seize the day)... In a moment later, I'll be heading to China Hangzhou as a business representative for my current company, together with my other 2 colleagues... Instead of my previous company who promises to send me to Hangzhou, rather this company of mine sort of fulfill the promise indirectly in a different manner and purpose... Isn't this irony??? Somehow, my wish of hoping to travel whilst working has somehow come true but in a very different presentation... Thank God for this...

I'm really amazed on how God plans for me, even though I'm still kinda of worried for myself as I never been away from Home that far... There's a chance given which I can learn, explore and understand how other people lead their life at the other part of the world - this is really God's gift...

I give thanks to what is given...

My Very First Scrapbooking Project

2010-07-11T12:46:00.007+08:00

I'm so happy that I've finally enrolled myself in SDU basic course and start to learn the art of scrapbooking... It has been something I'm dying to do many years back but it's just 'cos of my hectic BSc course from UWA, I couldn't get myself to do it...

And being a naturally artistic person like me, I like to work with my hands more than anything else... Forget about colour theory, design structure and rule of threes, I tend to go by my feel on how things should look like... But I should say, the SDU class really helps a lot in my understanding and I know why sometimes I tend to stick to certain design principles while I'm doing all my paper crafts and playing with colours... I'm bold, daring and like to challenge the unusual and differences, which makes my style of work very different and unique...

This is my best pioneer work of scrapbooking which I've spent hours completing it yesterday... Most of the time I had spent was on contemplating whether should I add a flower on the top left hand corner of the photo... It took me up to an hour to decide to add a ribbon on the rose bouquet but less than 10mins to get it done... It took me another hour to decide should I add a flower, finally I decided to try on it and took me less than 15mins to complete this... In the end, it just look great!!! These put all my contemplating hours into good use... This really shows how much time I tend to spend just on ideas and how to make things look good...

I believe this is not the best work of mine, neither is the best among all other scrapbooking designers... But as long as I enjoy the whole process, I'm the most happy and proud person of my own work... This is truly one of the best pioneer work I've done thus far and I'm loving it... Loving it to the extend that I can't help but very much wanted to start building up my paper inventory, getting lots of punches, ink, stamps and establishments... In fact, I'm on my way doing this and I've spent hundreds of dollars on these... Simply addictive and I'm addicted to it... Next thing I'm going to do is to dig out all my photos and start organising...

Can't help but to be fascinated by the art of scrapbooking and paper crafts!!!

A New Revival

2010-07-05T22:59:00.004+08:00

Finally, I've almost settled down in my new job and I'm starting to loving it... In comparison to my previous position at MP Biomedicals, I feel more human and at ease in allowing my maximum potential to be revealed...

I'm glad to make the decision to leave the organisation and move on to this relatively small company for a different challenge... Although it's inevitable to avoid any internal conflicts and politics, I feel in comparison to my previous job, my current working environment is more humane... At least I'm able to hold my head upright and live in integrity w/o being in masquerade of pretense... Most importantly, I'm all out from the emotional torture and indirect senseless downward pressure from the management which I deem if I ever continue to stay, I'll lose my right sense of mind... I'm particularly concern on my character development in an organisation as I grow and mature in my career, more than anything that goes beyond... Well, phew!!! I'm out for good and it really shows I'm leading a much better career life now... Hubby notices that and I can sense he's really happy for me that I'm out for good and this has taken another worry away from his mind... What else can I ask for more - with a wedding that's so exciting on the way and a prospectus career that I believe I'll shine??? I couldn't ask for more but to pray I'm able to be thankful everyday on everything what God has given me...

I feel refreshed and revived despite the fact I didn't take any break in between my jobs... I've never feel like this before, a real confident Katie from within that I've been trying to get my right self back...

School Children Project Wedding

2010-05-24T01:23:00.002+08:00

Seriously, I can't comprehend how bad a wedding can go wrong... I just attended one wedding this evening that it was so so bad that I don't really feel happy for them... The food served was not fresh and taste bad, bride's gowns are really cheap looking, pre-wedding pictures are like my secondary school project (even they used high-end Nikon SLR camera & Photoshop CS4 software for editing)!!! The couple portrait in the reception was just a normal A4 size ink-jet CMYK print-out which when you touch it with your wet hands, the colours will just run... And worst of all, the sound system was seriously bad and ended up there was a clashing of sound which ran so high in pitch and was making the guests' ears very hurtful... We felt that after this event, are we going to be deaf and all of us have to start learning sign language???

I can't help but to criticise and feel sorry for them... The couple are just 27 years old, a young age that should portray a lot of fun and chic character in them... I couldn't believe it that the young couple are actually school teachers - one is teaching in a secondary school and the other in a polytechnic... How poor can they be to afford a simple decent budgeted wedding??? Come on... My parents' wedding was even so so so much better than theirs... Even they ran on budget, but thr' the photos of their wedding, my mum's gowns were definitely much classier looking although it's kind of sub-standard... Most importantly, they don't look "cheap" on their big day... Tonight's bride's evening gown material is like a piece of cheap table top cloth and beads are plastic beads that are some sort of super cheap stuffs that are made in China... Even though I could understand they might face some financial situation that they can't afford a grand wedding or are on budget, I just can't put myself to accept this kind of wedding... Even my hubby is telling me perhaps they're just happy with this kind of wedding, I feel it's just not acceptable.. The kind of event is really not giving their guests any comfort and it's certainly not very pleasing... It's far far more worse than sub-standard budgeted weddings!!!

At the moment I almost turn deaf in the wedding (all thanks to the sound system), I feel so fortunate that I can have the kind of wedding I want without bursting my budget too much... I'm really grateful and thank God for giving me the creativity element which I can exploit and put my ideal wedding into reality... I can't help, to think and reflect back how bad this wedding can be... It has certainly etched into my memory so deep that I guess even one day I'm going to turn senile, very likely I'll recall this disastrous school children project wedding... They've done it a way which is an utmost insult to those who are in the wedding and bridal industry... The restaurant (which is smacking right in the centre of Orchard area) has obviously thrown their reputation away for the quality of food they served... Their friends who has done them a favour for their pre-wedding shots and actual day photography, highlights and videography are really mocking their big day... Even myyounger sister who is still a student in her 2-yr Mutlimedia certification course can do a much better footage.... My hubby Lionel who is a novice in photography who don't use big gadgets for his camera takes even better pictures... A very budgeted satin evening gown at Chinatown is a thousand times classier-looking than what the bride was wearing for the night... The only thing that was acceptable was the bride's make-up although the make-up was just simply plain... My make-up together with my red polo dress apparently stands out more than hers, sorry to say that... It just made me feel this is not really their event... It's more like just a old school classmate gathering which stage like a wedding but not really like a wedding... If the guests worn a slightly better looking dress/gowns, they will just simply out-stage the bride... This was really sad...

Seriously, I can't image if I were to have such a wedding... I'd rather kill myself...

Everything is Right in Place

2010-04-18T00:34:00.003+08:00

Everything is looking good for me... Wedding Planning is moving smoothly... For now, Lionel and I just need to decide where, which and who to engage for our Big Day... I just can't wait for that day to arrive to see everything being put in place... It's just so exciting to visualise how that day will look like...

The only issue I'm facing could be our banquet venue setup which I'm not very particularly please with... This really make me think how we can maximise our cost to put up a better setup without spending too much... I like the spacious cocktail reception area and the lightings of the ballroom which is very ideal for my photographers to take nice pictures... Right now, I've to starting thinking how I can perfect my venue to suit my theme... When come to think about it, I realise Wedding Planning is really not an easy job... This is really a lucrative biz to be in and I understand why couples are willing to spend thousands of dollars to get their Big Day all done up perfectly...

Back to several years ago, while I was enjoying my singlehood, I felt that Weddings are a total waste of money and time, and I'd rather saving up the money for a luxurious honeymood and do something more constructive.... Right now I'm in a situation I'm preparing to spend thousands of dollars for my Wedding... Well, I admit it... Never conclude things that early... I might ended up doing things that's not what I said... And yes, I'm doing it - all these hassle into Wedding Planning... How to make my Big Day a perfect one, getting the right designer for my gowns, picking the right venue and vendors for my flowers and stationery... I couldn't believe I'm so mad into this right now... Not even that, I'm more than willing to spend a little bit more to fine-tune my Wedding if necessary... Isn't that crazy??? Well, I am indeed...

Even though at times I keep telling Lionel I don't really mind how our Wedding is going to be like, I know I was lying... He knows me well enough and he has been insistence enough to push me to shop more to get what I want and let me decide... And I found myself shopping too much that it's becoming pressurising... This is making me stressful... Haha... I guess I've enough of shopping and it's time we should finalise everything and start getting some of the things started.. My gowns have to get started soon so that I've more time to play around with should I need any further changes... And seriously this is something I'm looking very forward to as I'm able to get involve in the whole designing process... Lionel will love it as well... A real designer who truly understand how a Wedding should be like will be someone who will take care of both the bride and groom's fashion needs on their Big Day... And I'm so glad I've finally found someone who can do these for us, making our Wedding preparation a much meaningful one...

Before I get too excited over it that I can't sleep, I better stop blogging about it... Till the day comes, I believe I'll be so busy mending my gowns affairs that everyday is my Big Day...

The Day of My Wedding Planning

2010-03-19T22:49:00.003+08:00

Yes... I'm preparing my Wedding... Date: 10th December 2011... I've approximately 1.5 years to plan and get it to perfection... An event that's once in a Lifetime, wearing a gorgeous bridal gown and be in glamor...

The decision to call off the Wedding was cancelled on last Sunday... A decision that my father-in-law made, with full of support and consolation that I had never gotten from my biological parents... The intensive feel of being supported emotionally and morally made me unable to speak from my bottom heart... I've faced a lot of issues, setbacks and difficulties in putting my Wedding into a reality... My non-supportive parents put me in a stressful situation that I know I'll not be able to enjoy my Big Day to the fullest...

I'm extremely sensitive to people's emotions, not even aware how intense it could be that will costs me several nights of sleeplessness... It's a known fact and always a fact that they're my biological parents... It's a fact that cannot be changed... I can't ask for much but at least their support in whatever I do in my Life... For every single thing I plan for myself, I'm always on one man show... Staging up and portray my own show without anyone backing me up... A show that I've been playing for so long that I lost track of time... I'm reaching my 30s soon... Enough is enough... I quit and really need help... I'm exceptionally glad and happy that such support came from my father-in-law... Though big efforts are not apparent, small words of concern is sufficient...

Needless to say, Wedding planning is tough and requires a lot of energy and effort to bring my dream Wedding to live... I need to think of an economically way to save and work within a budget that I'm able to wear the gowns I love in the perfect Wedding I want... This means a lot to me, so much that I'm very excited and afraid at the same time... How I wish my Wedding is just tomorrow... But what I fear most is not how bad I'll look like but the ignorance of my parents... I want to stay confident and optimistic that they'll be happy for me... But the hard truth is they never will... Even so, they'll just be there to stage the show for me w/o giving me their blessings... I don't wanna feel that way but to ensure my planning goes smoothly, I've to be ignorant for now...

On the bright side, I'm very confident that I'll be the most spectacular bride people will ever see in their lives... Ever...

Melancholic in Despair

2010-03-14T13:14:00.003+08:00

After hours of talk with Lionel, it has been set and concluded our wedding is to be called off... Moments later, I'll be heading down and address this issue to my in-laws with a heavy heart, not knowing what will be outcome and how are they going to react when I broke the news to them...

What upset me most is the hope Lionel has on me... Even though we try to make our wedding come true, deep within him he just feel it's just an added bonus... As an intuitive woman, I felt that intensively... He possess no hope and will to work things out, nor he has a stand to make things he want to happen... Everything to him is just nothing and it's okie even he didn't get it in life... This really puts me in a situation that I feel one day we might be on ready mode to undergo a divorce...

His inner thoughts of letting things be and just be himself, no one really cares for him and he's prepared to face his own life all by himself made me very very miserable and disappointed... I wonder why am I facing this? I hate this selfishness of his and even hated myself to be with him initially... I can't bring myself to express myself truly to him anymore...

A woman's wedding dream is truly burst at the that very moment... I'm afraid to go through the stress and demands of a traditional Chinese wedding, but as long as my husband and I are willing to walk through this together, I'd be more than happy to make our dream wedding come true... Unfortunately, this doesn't occur to me... Lionel has reached a stage of feeling despair, stressed being sandwiched between me and his father, calling off everything to him is the only way to get away for unnecessary repercussions... However to me, he's just unwilling to work things out... Even so, he'll be in abiding mode and what comes out at the end of the day it's just another disaster...

I expressed my inner thoughts and fear of going through the wedding doesn't mean there's no way out... I need emotional support and I knew from the moment before I spoke out, I'll get nothing... I've been subjecting my emotions with a lot of trials and every time I know I'll ended up feeling disappointed and miserable... Ironically, I'm still in a trying mode and hope one fine day Lionel and I can come into consensus... The truth is this might never happen... I'm very unsure how long will I be able to tolerate this, and inevitably the thought of going through a divorce to end the pain could be the only way out to end my misery... For this, I've to start becoming strong enough to face the stress that's coming, in just matter of time...

Whether will Lionel read about this entry of mine is not of a great concern to me now as I know he won't not be my one and only loyal fan of my Blog anymore... Neither do he possess any interest to know how I feel now...

Debauchery

2010-03-13T20:11:00.003+08:00

Blessed is the man who perseveres under trial, because when he has stood the test, he will receive the crown of life that God has promised to those who love him...

When tempted, no one should say, "God is tempting me." For God cannot be tempted by evil, nor does he tempt anyone; but each one is tempted when, by his own evil desire, he is dragged away and enticed. Then after desire has conceived, it gives birth to sin; and sin, when it is full-grown, gives birth to death...

Don't be deceived, my dear brothers. Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows. He chose to give us birth through the word of truth, that we might be kind of firstfruits of all he created...

James 1:12-18

These are the verses I browsed in random a moment ago when I'm trying find a verse to justify a thought I had in mind. Through all God's will, I bumped into these verses which strike me into inner thoughts... It looks like since the day I felt spiritually deserted, I've been living in a life full of debaucheries... Sinful, pathetic life...

Till this stage, I can't comprehend my own behaviour in reacting to situations around me. I started to realise I've becoming more and more demanding and harsh. In reality, to all commoners, I've been a spectacle of their eyes. In the mirror of myself, I'm the spectacle of my own image...

For all things I do while being alive, I want so much to do for the Glory of God. I'm deeply in desire. However, the footprint of history causes so much pain that it tempts me so much, I sank into the depths of sin. I admit, truly admit I'm just a mere human. I possess no strength, determination and will to fight against the darkness of evil in my everyday life. Till time of despair, I ask "why?" I felt so much I'm like Joseph; full of oppressions...

I started to see things which shock me in my life and realised the kind of "shit" I'm in. The cruelty of my sister-in-law's deeds made me change my perception towards her. How could a human being so ruthless and shut me up by telling me "Marriage is sacred...", "I'm not a counsellor..." after hanging up on me and moments later yelled at my husband stating our marriage is none of her biz? I felt intensively angry and upset. I know for that moment, should anything happen to my marriage, I would never ask for a single help. This further strengthen my thoughts of calling off our wedding banquet next year...

Marriage is all about 2 person united as One, it's suppose to be sacred and holy. I can't bring myself to my wedding into scrutiny and be judged. It's every woman's dream to have a fairy-tale like wedding and be blessed by all people. The tradition of a Chinese wedding banquet don't make me feel that way. Neither do I want to do it for the sake of my family. I know I'd feel something unpleasant should I abide and I could image the pain that'll hurt me further. As I started to list down the people within my family and friends whom I think I'll get their true blessings, the number is just pathetic. Why should I create a kind of scene and be fake about it, lying to myself those people who are present in the banquet are truly sincere? I can't bring myself to do that. Our marriage and happiness should be judged and blessings should not be replaced by any amount of money...

I went to John & Adeline's wedding last Saturday. They are very blessed and bliss. I was equally happy, upset and jealous. I don't know why. I felt happy that I was invited 'cos I wanted to give them my deepest blessing. I felt oblige as well to attend in order to help them fill up the seats and pay for their banquet, making myself short-cash for this month. I felt upset by the fact I saw the flakiness of people who pretended in front of me. I felt jealous 'cos I know the fact that I'll never get that kind of blessing in my marriage...

I wonder after all the glamorous in a wedding banquet and feel like a rock star walking into the ballroom under red carpet, what's next? It still requires a lot of effort, hardwork and communication to sustain and maintain a marriage...

I want the kind of basic respect from people, acknowledging who I am and what I'm capable of. In times I need support, I feel I'm always under scrutiny of other people. Where is all the appreciation I should deserve? I guess I should stop being so naive. The more I want respect from people, the more I shouldn't deserve more...

Melody of my Reminiscence

2010-01-14T23:07:00.006+08:00

A year has passed... I noticed the amount of entries I entered in this blog of mine is getting lesser and lesser, with 2007 the most entries and last year with the least entries...

Back to those days, I made use of this blog to "record" my history, the way of life I wanted myself to lead, my unhappiness and happiness, my reflection and all my whines and complaints how sucky can life be at times... At the back of my mind, I tend to have this silly theory of life that if something happy happened to me, in a few moments later, my life would be miserable... Indeed I chose to believe in that and possess a thought that the happier you're, the more lost you'll get... This especially applies when I'm married to Lionel, with a conscious mind within my soul that if the more happy I'm, the higher chance I'll lose him and be miserable, I started to pray hard to God that I choose to have more unhappy days so that I can spend one more day with Lionel... This could sound absurd and beyond anyone's comprehension... But I should say it's just me with my eccentric thoughts...

Given a choice, I wanted myself very much to be a happier person, someone who fill with heart of gratitude with drive in life to be successful in every role I play, no matter where I am, I'm always up to it... Somehow with all the drives I've, a single miserable day can destroy everything overnight and I'll feel crushed... I wished for those days to pass by quickly so that I can be painless and my day will be sunny again... Ironically, with such an optimistic mind of mine, my fear of losing something in my life especially Lionel seems to come greatly from my heart and not my mind... I started to admit that I rule my emotions mainly based on my heart and not my mind... The heart of emotions can be so overwhelming that it overpowers everything... I'm seriously trying hard to let my mind control my heart so that I can be happier... Till date, I realised I'm yet to be there... To strike a balance and let my mind be the dominant leader of all my emotions is hard and contradicting to achieve...

I expressed myself real well over here, exuding confidence and affirmations in the way I speak, the way I lead myself in life, the way I admit my mistakes... however, in actual real life, I'm always in portrayal, behaving a way I always regret later... One reason I blogged is to in hope I could be more daring and face my real self and be really the Katie I always be - full of drive, confidence, strength and optimism... Instead of seeing that happening, I witness myself getting older, weaker and more frail spiritually and mentally... My physical being is therefore being compromise to a certain extend... I was disappointed and despair, not knowing how to continue living...

10 years had passed since the millennium, in today's modern century, I've lived passed a decade... I feel an urge and need to relive my life all over again... But I know it's never a possibility to erase my past and start from day 1... Till this breathing point, I'm glad and proud that I'm willing to accept my past and let it go... Remnants of history still linger, I just want to let the past to pass simultaneously with my present history... People can comment that as being ignorant but to me I'd rather let things go according to the nature law of time than to hold any grudges which not only stop my emotional clock, I'll be in deep pain as well...

In this year, I wanted a real life resolution but I decided not to... Rather, I want to pray more often, sleep more, eat more, love more and enjoy more in my life... Since the birth of my niece, I started to realise how amazing and wonderful life can be and how scary and dreadful the acts of human beings... I did an imaginary flashback of those people when they're just babies... I wonder how the innocence and purity of a baby can eventually turn out to be someone scary... We were all once babies, that's the point I'm driving at... A little sad news to share, my sister mentioned that her husband wanted a divorce and asked my sister to take the baby away... He doesn't want his wife and daughter and dumped them just like trash... I can't imagine how easily a man can just treat marriage and family like a joke... My niece is just a month old and she's going to be fatherless... I really could say no more...

It's October & November is Approaching...

2009-10-21T10:52:00.003+08:00

This week is the 3rd week of October... Halloween is just round the corner and November is approaching...

And me, myself and I... have been staying at home for the past 2 days... Including today, it makes my stay at home the 3rd day... I took a break away from work; a real breakaway by staying at home...

~Sign... Sign... Sign...~ I'm signing away...

I started to lose the confidence in the business I'm in and for the past 2 weeks, basically nothing has been done... I was feeling down, confused and depressed...

From just being a Lab person who just knows how to hold test tubes in laboratories to be out in the field providing financial advices is really a huge career change and an ultimate turnover of myself... I ponder and did a flash-back, why am I in insurance... Is it 'cos I'm doing it out of a favour for Andrea? Or is it I really can't get myself a job during that time? I respected Andrea with my utmost faith and we're basically more than just sisters, more than friends, more than colleagues in work... But despite all these facts, I feel very far away... It's just me or my mind is playing me out or it's just simply the fact that I can't hold firm in the business I'm in...

I need a helping hand to get myself started in the business I'm in, however right at the start I was already out there in the field without knowing how horrible and unreceptive human nature is... I blamed my ignorance and persist to learn... I soon realised I'm just bumming myself around without a proper guidance... Soon weeks have gone by, I'm unable to meet my validation requirements for the past 2 months... This rendered me for not getting paid in any forms of commission nor training allowances... I was desperate, even more desperate given the fact I've yet to clear my education loan with the bank... 2 months of arrears put me in situation that I might be subjected to litigation... On the bright side, I managed to negotiate with the bank about my financial standings and they're willing to give me more time...

Since last Thursday till now, I've been calling my training and accounts department to understand my current validation status and the amount of money I should be getting... I'm still yet to fulfill the validation... For all the efforts I can, I started to minimise my spending for not travelling far, eating less, not getting any appointments, etc to minmise any opportunity cost I might be facing... I've basically spent more in this business than repaying the loan I'm supposed to... Isn't me a fool or just being naive? For the very last bet, I bought 4 basic Personal Accidental plans for my parents and siblings in order to hit the validation of this month so as to get my training allowances in November... Another hefty investment that I've committed just to get that few thousands dollars... In regards to my commission, it was very delayed and till now I'm trying to get my cheque from the accounts department...

Thankfully, I managed to close a single premium investment plan with a cold prospect I met on street late this July last Friday... He's my very first cold prospect I managed to close and also the first person in the industry giving me the encouragement and support at this time I'm down in the business... Andrea and my manager found him skeptical when I related his case to them... It all points down to the fact that he's a senior financial services manager from my competitive company, hence the skeptics they've towards him esp he's getting a policy from me not his company where he can earn his own commission... Just base on the fact that I need more life cases, I ignored whatever comments or suggestions they gave and headed down to close this deal... I understand Andrea and my manager are trying to protect my interest and to guard me against any compliance issues, apparently it was this cold client of mine who gave me the most advice, the most support and a helping hand to a newbie like me... For that instant moment, I felt ashamed in the Agency I'm in... I was being encouraged and support by someone who don't recruit and trained me, but yet giving me all the support and encouragement he could... Moreover, he's from another insurance company and gave me the privilege to show to other people that I'm capable to close a deal with a senior financial services manager from my competitive company... What's more can I say?

I wonder what I've done has gone wrong, or it is just acts of desperation??? I tried to be graceful... Besides getting frustrated by the mistake what the new guy has done in the accounts department and the Agency I'm in, I decided to do something more constructive... I need to re-strategise my plans and re-think my capabilities in the business I'm in... and I'm still thinking and planing...

Its for the very first time I poured out how I feel to hubby Lionel after weeks of considering with the fear of being judged by him... Thankfully, he didn't judge me and gave me full support in whatever decision I'm going to make... For the best of the least, I still my hubby around me who has been always supporting...

Recollection

2009-08-20T23:01:00.002+08:00

It's been coming to about 2 months in the industry of Insurance... My schedule was busy at a point of time with some days in between I'm so free I could sleep one whole day at home doing nothing... That's pretty much a common working life of most agents who just started...

In these recent weeks, I'm packed with trainings courses and skills enhancing trainings which make my current work schedule busy... I'm thankful to learn new skills today and I managed to put one of the concepts I learned into practice... As I did face-to-face prospecting after my class, a prospect of probably around the age of 18-20 brought me to a lot of recollections of my life and reflections... It took me a fair amount of time to bother to talk to him on issues he might be facing now and near future... He agreed with a lot of things I said, but ironically he prefers not to address and even bother to look into it when I asked for 30minutes of his time to let me share with him more over coffee table... The most saddest part of our entire 15minutes of conversation on the street, I could feel his un-seriousness with a great sense of irresponsibility...

Parents nowadays are educated and wanted to give their best to their children... In most scenarios, it's usually an agent's job to advise their clients to get a life/saving insurance plans for their child the moment they're born... The selling point is always commitment, responsibility and love for your child... I came from a background that I earn and work hard for every single cent to put myself through days throughout my entire tetiary education, very naturally I'll feel the pinch of real hard life... Of course, in the course of those "hardships" I had to bring myself where I become, brings me a lot of pain, frustrations and hatred... I disliked the way my parents are, I even hated the way they don't plan for their children which one of the reasons why I'm in Insurance today...

Although I've already come by the fact that that's the way my parents are and by looking at a very different perspective on their upbringing of children, I can't blame them for their ignorance 'cos they are not educated... I accepted the fact and be forgiving... It took me quite some time to learn not to be so harsh to myself... However, this young prospect I met this evening gave me a more insightful perspective and I feel I should start to love and cherish my dad and mum more, besides the fact of just accepting the fact and being forgiving...

Andrea once told me during my course of training as an agent... By giving a fish to me today, I'm able to survive today... But by teaching me how to fish, I'm able to survive for life... I've no qualms and this makes a lot of sense to me... Back to the young prospect I met, the 15 minutes conversation made me realised by teaching someone to fish at times, the person might not survive for life... ATTITUDE is always a key characteristics in acquiring skills and learning... However, the moment I recalled how that young chap talked, it's more than just his ATTITUDE... It all points down to the basic level of fundamental learning... Obviously, this chap's ears are shut off and no matter how much effort you put in to teach him how to fish, he'll not want to learn how to fish until he wants to learn... This brought me into thinking how parents are teaching their kids nowadays... Is teaching them how to fish now seems tough and difficult?? I feel strongly inside me, it's a YES... But why?? All voice down on how good a parent and a role model you're at the right beginning... By forcing your child to learn how to fish is not the way, neither by begging them to learn... Parents nowadays are getting more protective over their kids and getting their kids an insurance plan serves as a kind of responsibility more than their love to them... But it doesn't teach them the value of self-repsonsibilty...

I'm very thankful from within that my parents' ignorance of not planning for us has now surfaced the truth that sometimes by throwing us out in the ocean will eventually make us learn how to fish more effectively... Yes, the sad truth is I learn how to fish in a hard way and along my life journey, I fished the wrong way but throughout my entire journey, my stopovers where I encountered setbacks make me a much better fisher... I failed at times, but it's every human instinct to fight for survival... Being thrown out there in the big ocean makes me a much stronger person and in alot of things parents just simply can't teach us... I'm deeply appreciated by my parents' ignorance that brings me to where I'm now... Though I'm still yet to reach there, but by realising this has naturally untie a knot I had within my heart for years...

Reconstruction

2009-05-23T18:51:00.003+08:00

Sleepy and tired... As always, since day one I'm staying at Home... Life has never been more lazier and slackly as before... I've a tendency to sleep late and woke up late... The only days I woke up early is when I'm having tutorials and exams...

Oh yes, as I mentioned, my days to exams are coming to an end... But for this time round it's about getting myself certified as an insurance agent, and hence I need to pass 3 papers to get myself started... It's not out of a spur moment decision I made just 'cos I'm unable to get a job in my industry... It's been a decision made after months of consideration... Ernest was crying out loud when I told him that... He feels the degree I'm getting does not justify the decision I've made and it'd be good for me if I continue to stay in the Lab... But to me, it's not about weighing of what is worth from the years and effort I've put in to obtain that BSc in Biomedical Sciences... It's really about what kind of life I'm preparing myself to face and live...

It's already a known fact to me that passion in Science no longer stays in my dictionary of leading a life... I bother much about how to lead a living a life that's worth living in my own context... For the past years, situations occurred changed my directions in life.. Never had I expect myself to settle down, the thought of family planing never come across my mind till recently I finally married to Lionel... Thoughts of how to become a good wife and parent strike my thoughts every now and then... Most of the most wonderful thoughts always come in a conclusion that everything I want is money... No money, don't bother to even think about it... As it occur to me that I shouldn't be that worried and eventually as the times come, everything will level up and our needs will be met... It'd be great to have such perception if I was still single without any burden and I'll be still young to continue fighting for resources to meet my needs... But for the situation I'm in now, it's not possible to have such a thought... Planing is a necessity now, but a constructive planing...

I dare not to perceive how far can I reach in my new career as an insurance agent, neither how much money can I earn... I just know the amount of income I want determines by the amount of hard work I put in... Moreover, being in this line enables me to be in control of our finances and be the one able to provide all sorts of protection needs to people around me should anything happen... I believe this kind of career is much more realistic and constructive for me to follow... For every moment I work in a Lab, I'm always facing uncertainties and I don't deny the fact that I'm always worried about medical cost I need to face when something unfortunate happens to me... Lionel has been always worried about me having no enough money in event of his early demise... I do not know since when he had such a morbid thought, but I do know in whatever sorts of events that might happen, his only wish is to see me happy and not in sufferings... The only thing I can do for him is to assure him that I'm always sufficient and protected so as to rest his mind... Our fights over my decision to go into insurance had indeed cause a lot of misunderstandings... But over here should Lionel has any chance to drop by and read my Blog, I just want to re-assure him that I'll always be sufficient and be happy as always the first day he know me... My final decision is not solely 'cos of myself but to people whom I love...

The ugly days of most people lives are always when in situations when there's a financial strain... In events when one is facing death and serious illness, the thought of additional financial strain is just that stressful and people who are unprotected always tend to come to a losing end when such situation falls on them... This is something I wish not to witness to people around me, especially Lionel...

I just want as long as I live to lead a much better live and with no worries in any sorts of events that might bring upon early demise of myself or my loves one... The only thing I want to bring with me on my demise will only be sweet memories of my life with my loves one, not tons of worries...

Parents' Meeting

2009-05-22T22:55:00.003+08:00

A moment ago, my sister, her Fiance and his family members left our house after a short meeting with my parents... It was about their marriage after 10years being together...

I wasn't really pleased with my sister's Fiance's presence just based on the fact that I deem him as a real bastard in my sister's life, someone who only knows how to depend and would never make a good husband and lover... My mum and I almost had a fight over this person just a hour before their arrival...

Nevertheless, my brother is not very forgiving for whatever this person has done to my sister...
"One should never expect forgiveness if he do not have the courage to own up for his mistake..." This is exactly what my brother had written on a piece of paper before he left for the movies this evening... He passed it to me and expects me to get this message across to my sister's Fiance... Unfortunately, this message has not been brought across... Myself and my husband were in my room doing some stuffs on my Mac and I couldn't be bother by what they were conversing...

The wrongdoings of that guy are just that disastrous that I myself as a woman should never thought of forgiving him... But my sister did... Not 'cos she really loves him that much, but for whatever rationale behind that I can never comprehend... If a real man truly loves his woman, even he's unfaithful and got his woman's forgiveness, he should never ever make the woman he loves suffer again for whatever he had done... This guy did...

I've in fear at times that this person is going to ruin my sister for the entire life... With her current pregnancy, I can't image what will the run over effects to their offspring... Once a cheater, always a cheater... This guy cheats on my sister for more than once and I'd be at no surprised in time to come, he'll cheat again... The greatness and generosity of Love shouldn't be that extent... I seriously can't help but to think how can one possibly be able to tolerate the hurt and harm from someone he's unable to be truthful with... Although my husband and I have been through lots of fights that we keep hurting each other, but those hurts are truthful enough that we never lied and be unfaithful to each other...

I'm glad my husband is with me this evening, or else I might create a chaos at home... It's by the fact that my husband's love is with me, I'm able to calm down and think rationally... For what my sister has become, I blame my parents' responsibility and upbringing of their kids... Something I can't swallow was my mum's challenge impose towards me and her judgment towards my future parenting of my own children... Despite the fact that she's my biological mum, I feel deeply she has no rights to make such a judgment towards me as she's never been a good mother by partaking her responsibility to parent and discipline her children since day one they were born...

It took me years to understand through the yearns to be loved how to be a good parent in future... It's the bond I've lost with my mother and I shall never allow this to happen between me and my children...

Getting Back to Perspective...

2009-05-21T15:40:00.004+08:00

It's like coming to 6 months before I'm able to recall I've a Blog on Blogger at www.katsigner.blogspot.com... It just happen... all of a sudden as I'm on the verge of updating my status on Facebook, I saw my own blog website under my own profile... I clicked and directed myself to this site... My last entry was dated on 21st November 2008... I decided to blog an entry today...

During this period while I'm rather inactive, in everyone's life, it's either everything has changed or unchanged... For me, as always, my life is always full of changes - my status, my circumstances, my directions of life - to the extend my life is always full of drama stories that every moment I happened to talk to Ernest or Andrea about it, it's always full of emotions...

One good thing to share, I'll no longer nag about my stress on my exams here again... 'cos finally after 3.5 years of part-time BSc studies with UWA has finally come to an end... My last paper was on the 23th April 2009... It was a 3hr worth of Molecular Biology questions and essays... This paper determines my graduation to get a Bachelor... But... in actual fact, I got a husband in my life!!! Not a Bachelor... Hahaha... Yes, I got married on the 4th Feb 2008 to Lionel... On purpose, it happened to be my Birthday as well... We arranged it intentionally just based on the ground that he proposed to me on his Birthday last year in August and we couldn't really think of a date that both of us is comfortable with for our solemnisation...

Perhaps in the eyes of others, it's kind of a rush... At times to me, I might think events that had happened is running to fast for me to catch up... I wasn't really very prepared to see myself married... Not 'cos Lionel is not the one but I do love him, not as much as he does towards me which is a known fact between us... Moreover, I've recently been jobless as my contract with my ex-company has ended this April and currently I'm staying at Home... Events that happened, brushed through my eyes and I know by known fact that these have happened... No matter how well planned I wanted to move myself forward a year ago, what has actually happened always don't go accordingly to what I want...

Alas, I got it... I've basically stopped planning and pining nice positive images on my mind how consistently I've picture myself to be... In summary, I can't control my emotions, my thoughts, my circumstances and the events in the future... Perhaps to say, I don't have much self-discipline on determining the self I want to be in years to come... There're always distractions around me which I can't resist at times, not able to take control on the situations I've encountered...

3.5 years back, I painted a picture of seeing myself as an overall HD student and graduate with first class Honours with UWA, armed with rich scientific research experiences and my next step is to see myself moving forward to get my phD with Johns Hopkins University... The moment when Johns Hopkins Singapore declared they would cease operation, my dream went shattered and at that spur moment, I've basically blamed the entire world for my situation... Never would I expect 3 months into a new job, a new direction and a goal in mind would ended up so quickly... Those were the days I feel I'm in control of what I'm doing and very confident and proud of my results.... Getting to work in Johns Hopkins is just like an impossible dream for me back then... I'm armed with nothing, and the only thing I can convinced them to take me in is my determination and my will to excel by showing them I'm doing a part-time degree at the same time to make up of my lost time... But all these ended pretty quickly when God snapped his fingers and this change the next 2.5 years of my life...

I moved on to A*Star working under a French Scientist, that's where I got to know Lionel at Biopolis... Things don't go well for me and as previously I nagged on my Blog, I simply can't tolerate the way they get things done and myself unable to accept the fact that things are no longer the same as when I'm back in Hopkins... The move over to a new lab environment was fast and swift... My emotions were left unpacked... With daily new activities in work, the only times I'm able to think about what had happened was after 3 months into the job... I couldn't find that passion, that determination I used to have when I was in Hopkins with my new Boss and Colleagues... Perhaps they were French, I deemed them as arrogant species... I recalled when my French Boss informed me that she'd be giving a seminar in an afternoon and she'll be out with her Post-docs without asking me to join in the team, I don't feel myself as being in a team with my French Boss - not a good sense of belonging... Since then, I always see myself being left out in almost everything they were doing and talking in the Lab... The only thing I'm always doing was tons of administrative work, procurement and a presence in all Lab meetings...

The moment my French Boss told me she no longer feel the need to keep me in the Lab 'cos she don't think I've been contributing much in the Lab and being in a dynamic Lab, she can't afford someone who likes to sit in her desk most of the time, just like what I'm doing back in Hopkins... I couldn't recall what we had conversed but I remembered how her words made me feel... Hurt and betrayal... I voiced out and defend myself... My capability is not to be determined by my presence in that working desk of mine, neither is a comparison and assumption of what I've done in Hopkins... I had worked as early as 8am in the morning back in Hopkins running 3-4 experiments at a time with only less than 30minutes of lunch so that I'm able to attend my night classes on time... What rights does she has to make such an assumption on my capability... I can't feel I'm belonged to the Lab and never did she ever thought of assigning me some sort of project to do... The only things she would always approach me were tons of administrative work, procurement to clearing the wastes and getting glassware for washing... Blamed myself for not being proactive but seriously I can't comprehend the rationale behind of her assuming my capability back in Hopkins when she didn't even know and understand how hard I had worked before... I felt she's just being prejudiced and with the excuse I deemed myself as rendered useless in the Lab, I quited and left Biopolis...

It seems like a double impact to me then, my then ex-Boss was indirectly insulting and judging my capability by indirectly digging out my unpacked emotions with Hopkins as a mockery... Those were the days I felt gratified, useful and confident in goals I set for myself... When it turns out to be a mockery in the eyes of others, I realised I might not be that strong to accept what others have perceived of me... This is where I've stopped myself to move forward in the picture I've painted 3.5 years back... I can't possibly continue the journey of being a Scientist... I started to question my capability and ability to see myself that far... Apparently, I've stopped seeing myself putting nice pictures on where I'll be... All I've in mind is to do whatever I deem fit that I think it'll make me happy... I went back to the Fashion world, back to Loewe... Although it's just a temporary position, it was good enough to bring me the thoughts of quitting my BSc programme... Thankfully, I didn't and continue to finish my studies... My only thoughts then was to complete my degree which was about 1.5 years left... I got myself a Lab job with Singapore Eye Research Institute last February but with a mentality to complete my study whilst I'm working there... I don't possess a good impression of my new Boss and to what I expect, she's really even horrible than my French Boss...

Based on the fact that I'm much younger and prettier than her, it's undoubtedly that she would do anything stupid to hinder my career development there... As things that I've seen, deep within myself by staying there long term can only bring me harm but not any good... The place is just full of boots lickers and only those who are the apples of the eyes of the Scientific Director have the say and control in almost everything... My days there weren't of any good and basically I'm not contributing and even minor experiments could render my Boss to push me around like a fool... Projects I've been undertaken were trival and of unimportance... My Boss basically pinned an ugly image of me there, rendering me an utmost useless Research Assistant there wasting time and taxpayer's money doing something that possess a very high chance that the project will be called off... The best of all, my Boss has the tendency of crushing her staff's pride by giving lots of empty promises and snatches aways all credentials her staffs have done... I swallowed and no matter how unhappy and unfair I was treated there, I took the advantage of completing my studies there... I showed her no respect and deep within my heart, she's condemned... In such an awful environment, I'm very much thankful that I do have a bunch of colleagues I can mingle with without setting eyes of pretense... Definitely in front of my Boss, I've to act as a different person in order to keep my rice bowl... I need the degree to graduate and get better pay job after that and the only thing I can keep emphasising to myself was my studies... Finally my contract ends, and it's no surprise that my Boss would not want to renew my contract... Even she did, with such a Boss around, I don't think it's healthy for me to continue staying in such a dirty, filthy environment which will only bring detrimental effects on my personal growth...

My days there indeed have caused lots of negative effects on my daily life - the struggle to stay on and the continual stress to complete my studies... As much as I've thought of doing something bad, the withdrawal of those evil thoughts were so intense that the effects had fallen onto Lionel indirectly... We fought and quarrelled almost every other days... I've never seen myself so hysterical, and the pain I've within was indescribable... I started to realise I've been losing myself greatly... I can't feel the past determined and persistent Katie I had once known... In maintaining my relationship with Lionel at the same time, the more fights we have, the more I can't find myself back... I don't see any rationale behind in loving someone specifically, neither can I be that rationale whenever I'm emotional in every situtaion I'm in... The only thing I was doing then was to just leave things as it was and move things step by step forward... It might appear not to be something right and feasible but I had lost the heart to even think about what my future with him is going to be like...

I got married and on that very actual day, I wasn't really happy within and I could sense the smiles I've through the pictures we've taken... Sometimes I really need a real hug from him and with me just being in his arms, I'm able to feel safe but not at times we've made up after we fight... I'm unable to describe the lost feel I'm having but I know I'm seriously emotionally tired and needed the rest...

As I wondered and pondered at times, refusing to take into the element of luck to the extend I feel so much to vent all my frustrations and unhappiness to God, I still can't get myself into perspective... As much as I'd love to push the blame to the entire world but me, I know I just have to get myself back... With now given an opportunity, staying at Home before I head forward to my new exciting career despite I've great fears in, I know I've to take the chance... Forget about painting beautiful pictures and those planing, I just want to get myself back into perspective...

Made of Honor

2008-11-21T01:04:00.005+08:00

Just had a DVD at home... It's like been a long time I ever had one... I watched "Made of Honor", a show I wanted so much to watch it together with Lionel at the point of time it was released in Singapore... However, I ended up watching it alone at home...

Fun and enjoyable movie... Some critics said it's trite and banal... But I do enjoy watching such movies, neither too intense nor emotionally stirring...

Mooncups

2008-11-18T02:07:00.005+08:00

OH well, I found something interesting again... that caught me up in the middle of the night or it should be very early morning of the day... I'm supposed to be in bed... Well, this got so interesting and it arouse me to read it further... It's a menstrual cup that I discover, and it's on sale in Singapore!!!

It's really small is it's latex free!!! Good for someone like me who has a possibility to develop an allergic towards latex... It's kind of pricey for such a "small cup"... But it'll save me lots of money when I use it monthly... Something worth investing... I'll try it one day...

My Ideal WaterPot

2008-11-11T14:43:00.003+08:00

As I stumbled over at Australian Edge this afternoon... OMG!!! Something caught me... This unique cup and jar caught me real hard that for an instant I feel like buying it straight away...

Isn't this cool??? It costs 500AUS dollars... Something worth considering when I got my new house...

I'm Katsigner

2008-10-05T09:10:00.002+08:00

Being the first entry of this month... basically I've only been on an entry for each month... Yes, I know I've not been coming back to Blogger very often and it seems this blog I set up is just a "pass-by" site... Well, well, at least I remember...

As much as I'd like to try remember, things in my life has gotten me a little more busier than I've thought... and... I've been leaving quite a number of things on the shelves left untouch for quite some time... FYI... I guess my body has been trying hard to fall sick but yet my spirit is fighting hard to sustain my day-to-day activities... Strange as it is, I counteract with slackness to compensate the tiredness since don't know which day it is... it's not exactly that I've been wasting time or trying to get away from something, it's just I really need a break... A real break that not only I could relax with my mind off all things, also quality time to truly think about what's the next thing I'd be doing after graduation...

Getting a Science Honours came to my mind, provided I've the extra time and money to move to Perth... At the back of my mind, I know this extra year would not be very fruitful for me... As I ages more (though I'm only coming to my late 20s), I realised research is not just about everything... I've learned from my Immunology Professor from Perth that one of our middle-age students here has gone over to UWA to do her honours... Surprised as I seem, but I expected that... That woman used to hold high rank post in MAS dealing and controlling money and has a MBA... For the passion of Science, all of a sudden, she came here to study science and became one of the top student in Singapore campus... Oh my God!!! When I first met her, I deem her as one of the competitors... But now, I don't think so... I was so dying people like her could grab away jobs in the lab so that I can move on to something else... I've been in scientific research for coming to 3 years, and before I come to talk about getting a Masters/PhD in Science, I'm dying to get out of the industry... but why Honours drop by my ears, I really had no idea... for this I really need to think...

I'm not exactly that smart enough to explore the great unknowns and come up with a fantastic journal on Science or Nature... with my very well-trained years in Hopkins and my current situation in current lab job has gotten me a better understanding... Science is not about just getting straight As in your college years, neither is about knowing everything what the hell people are doing... My boss had just literally drops the entire ball for me to deal with her entire project where she has totally rely on me on information, research and experimental aspects of the whole clinical research... I was disappointed by the fact she's a PhD... and me just an undergraduate struggling to finish off her college, don't seems to be encouraged...

As such is life, there're still abundant of choices for me to choose to lead a life that's good for me... I'm done for research and very soon I'll move on to something that I really enjoy doing after colleage... 'cos I'm Katsigner!!!

My Picks from Amzazon.com

2008-09-29T15:27:00.002+08:00

Books and DVDs that I had read and watched which I guess it's worth buying...

Amazon.com Widgets

WALL-E

2008-08-31T23:57:00.002+08:00

Last night, Lionel and I went to watch WALL-E together... It was tremendously and I'm very fascinated by the latest Disney's Pixar animation flims... I've always been a big fan and I had almost catch all of their Pixar flims... Seriously, seriously, this is the best... I really love it... Way before it's first screening in Singapore...

The film is really GREAT!!! I couldn't help emphasizing the amazement on Disney's innovative creative imagination... It's so simple but yet profound to understand the essence of the film... My tears fell when I saw how EVE is so devastated to learn WALL-E has lost his memory when she got him fixed... Luckily, it's not the end of the story... Hahaha...

I know there's toys!!! I played with WALL-E before... And I'm gonna get it together with EVE...

Where's my Life???

2008-07-14T16:23:00.005+08:00

2 weeks from today, it's gonna be my mid-semester's exam.. and I'm yet to touch a single page of my notes!!! That's a good one... I wonder how can I cope to pass this paper... or this entire unit... Hmm...

It's time to start revision, as I keep telling this to myself... As much as I'd very much like to... I started to lose the patience I once had... Right now, very much eagerly, dying to finish up my Bachelor programme, rather than aiming myself to gain Distinctions of High Distinctions... If I were in a full time programme, this wouldn't be a valid reason to excuse myself from not aiming high... I wish I could, provided I had more time... My hours in those practicals is exhausting, leaving me feeling tire almost everyday... Weekends are the days I could really sleep to compensate the hours I had lost, but still I'm still as tire as before...

Whenever I don't have classes for a straight few days, I always assume these are the good days I could revise... Oh well, I spent these days with myself instead, not exactly with those jargons filled notes and texts... and there it goes, those "precious" time....

~Sign~ sign~ sign~ Have I lost my self-disciplined??? As much as I'd like to conclude that and made that the cause of what's happening, the next time I need to do is to perk myself up and push myself to get the right things done... However, my body seems to give way... or perhaps I'm just that lazy... I felt tire and I always ended up on my bed... Zzzzz away my "precious" time... Hahaha...

As I asked around my coursemates, it looked like I'm not the only one who behave this way... Everyone is dying to complete this BSc asap... 'cos it's taking up too much of our personal time!!! A mandatory of >30hours of Laboratory sessions with >30hours of theory lesson, plus lab reports, quizzes, journal clubs and exams, I was amazed how much I've already been through... OMG!!! I had not been shopping since the day I start this unit since early last month!!! Where's my life!!! I'm starting to faint!!!

Oh my God!! It's July!!

2008-07-11T16:06:00.002+08:00

Didn't I notice... Almost half a year has gone!!! and I'm now into my last 3rd unit to completion of my Bachelor... Wow...

Labs and schoolwork has been piling up and we took longer than ever to complete the experiments... At work, my recent experiments almost filled up the entire 8hrs with shorter incubations time that I can barely sneak for a rest... Phew!!! Yesterday was a straight hot 14hour experiments, with a maximum of an hour lunch break... my "dinner" before my night lab class was just 200ml of low fat milk and a burger I grabbed 10mins before class at my school's canteen... When I finally reached home at night, I was hopping to have my mum's cooking.... Arghhh.... my brother took the last share!!! And that's my share!!! At that moment, I feel like killing him... a hungry woman is an angry woman... A can of baked beans and a mug of instant Campbells mushroom soup, therefore were my friends last night...

The day passed real fast and I need more time to myself... to cut back my sleep time is a no way as Sleep is something I'm not willing to give up.. That'd be over my dead body...

As for today, it's going to be another night where I'm expecting myself to go home later after lab class... Time flies, it's July!!! and very soon I'll be done for my Bachelor...

Days As I Remember...

2008-06-10T19:27:00.004+08:00

About 2 days from now, it'd be my final exam for my 12 credit module, which encompasses 50% of my final grade...

Recalled how much hard work I had once put in for the very first module 2.5 years back, as a freshie... I got myself a high distinction for that... for History till now, that's my only HD grade I got, and my GPA dropped gradually... A few distinctions though, it's on par with the number of credits I've got... If I were to get a credit for this 12 credit unit, I'd be an overall credit student...

As I keep consoling myself it's okie to get a credit, I still manage to put in some hard work to pass the module... The process of getting a degree is just only a training procedure to make you a better person, or even a more competent person skilled with necessary knowledge upon graduation, so that you could be employable by the society... Being in a full time programme is tough enough especially lecturers have expectations on you to excel given the spare time you'd have after class... However, it's even tougher to excel when you're in a part-time programme... Though it's not impossible, getting a part-time Science degree seems very unlikely especially you're on a full time job that's taking up most of your time; overtime, unexpected call backs, etc...

Whatever it is, I've been through 2.5 years and I'd be graduating next April with a Bachelor of Science... As much as I wish I don't have to study anymore and I could really enjoy my life relaxing and doing things I like, I know right now it's not possible... 'cos getting a part-time degree at the first place is a decision I've made and I've to be responsible for it... No matter how, I just have to be self-responsible and not seeing every single cent I've spent gone down into the drain for nothing... At least, pass all my modules and get my degree... It's still worth all the hard work I had put in...

Reconciliation....

2008-06-08T22:08:00.002+08:00

"Life has so many options, to merely choose one requires a whole life itself... Don't go where the path may lead... Go instead where there is no path and have a trail..."

Something I've read somewhere which I can't remember where and noted it down...

The journey of being lost and finding oneself back brought me back to where I'm supposed to be... Via entering a relationship made me understand more on my shortcomings... It's a refusal to admit or trying to shield myself from harm, I'm yet to conclude...

Days That I Started to Turn Mature

2008-06-06T20:56:00.003+08:00

As I was doing my probational evaluation with my boss today to finalise everything and get me as a confirmed staff in the Lab, I realised how much patience I had towards my alleged problematic superior... I don't see myself feeling vexed and angry on what she has commented about my performance... I just listened and take whatever she has got to say about me, no matter how untrue her words are...

Irony or funny as circumstances are, I started to see the humble and tolerant self in me... From once having a prospectus and bright scientific career when I was in Hopkins, till being "banished" to A-star to work as a high class laboratory administrator where my title was supposed to be in the lab doing experiments... and right now in a new Lab with my new boss expecting me to be an in-house technician developing kits based on my past experiences to reduce the cost to purchase commercial kits and doing some other ad hoc experiments which I had no idea whose project I was running for... When my boss told me my project was being "abolished" just 'cos there's no space for further development, I don't actually feel much of a thing inside... As much as I would like to scream and yell at her, "Hey, then what's the point of wanting me to undertake this project and asking me to exploit the fields that we could work on it???" I should have the every right to feel angry and "cheated" into coming into this Lab with no given opportunity to perform at all... My scientific career came to an end then... And at this point of time, I admitted it... No matter how talented was I used to be before, that's when I was at Hopkins and that's history... I got to move on...

It's the frustrations and the desire how much I want to push myself further up in developing my scientific career... and with that strong passion I had once, it's the blind spot of my life I had missed... Fate tells me I'm not the cut to be a Scientist, with the current situation I'm in, I'm not in a favourable position... My scientific opportunities seems to diminish... Perhaps I'm at the wrong place, at the wrong time that I'm yet to meet my final destination... I do not want to see that, neither do I want to visualise it and hang on to the dream that's so far away that I forget where am I now... Tough as it is, coming to my late twenties, I should somehow know where my directions are... Putting into serious thoughts, if it's not Lionel coming into my Life, I would have been trying to bang my head real hard against some kind of blind fate... It's years of frustration that finally, I can rest my mind and get to do what I want in Life with no strings attached, not even a feel of obligation...

Life should be worth a living, not to just earn for a living... Struggling so hard to earn the living I've used to focus on has been giving me pain and sufferings that I couldn't see Life shouldn't be just that... I'm not living a Life... As I feel nothing in what my boss has done to me, I started to see the maturity in me and put my own interest at heart on how to live happily rather then feeling frustrated for not able to get the things I want in life... Looking forward for amazing things to happen, I'm at all ears with an open heart to accept what's coming to me...

It's Been A Long Long Time...

2008-06-04T22:19:00.004+08:00

It's really been a long long time I ever since declared of my very last resolution early this year... Wonder... Perhaps so, there're some people out there being my faithful readers, or whoever drops by here by accident, by purpose, by luck (whatever) actually reads my latest long wait entry...

Life been never be the same again... As agreed, and as much as I remembered, I know I'm supposed to flash a series of my transition phase of my hair... Oh yes, I gotten my hair cut short since what the readers had read since then... Definitely, not the one that's shown on your left... That was in the 2001... Hot haircut though... Well, this is what I'm gonna to show... Just one... Here...

For the love of God, this was just right after I snipped my mane to this short... It's pretty ugly in a way as my hair hasn't "settle down" right after the major ordeal...

My hair just got better after a few weeks of adjusting.... That's right, this photo was taken with someone... Just as my hair was only a day old, it got itself adjusted with not only with the owner's touch but together with another...

It was a really long period of time, that I had almost forgotten I had myself a Blog here... Somewhere, somehow, life isn't the same anymore... Not always though, as people who know me far well enough had learned those exciting life roller-coaster of mine... People's lifestyles keep changing and the world is still moving... Dynamically... Including myself, I couldn't be that stagnant... Even so, the world still moves with or without me in existence... In most recent months that I've be MIA away from this Blog of mine, didn't I know or even realise the growth in me as a more mature adult who can handle every of my best or worst situations... At certain points of time, I started to lose myself, feeling real far-fetched on that Katie, who speak so loud on the top of her voice declaring her independence she always been... What about those stubborn firm affirmations she had once motivate herself as an individual of self-respect???

Apparently, as mere human, people do change (including myself as what I'm saying here) to adapt to situations everyone is facing everyday... Either we become stronger, more sensible, more appreciative, more independent or becoming weaker, more dependent to others, more silly or stupid... Everyone has every human rights to think or believe who they wanted themselves to be with freedom of will... It's all about choices... The worst of all, to me, is when such rights was hindered in any forms or sorts of relationships people are having with one another... Somehow I wouldn't like the feel of being remodelled in situations where I would feel utter weak by man's emotions... Circumstances do change people the way they behave, and we adapt and move on.. Wouldn't it be much better if we could just be ourselves, with the freedom of will to change the way we want ourselves to be in our vision of the ideal person we wanted ourselves to be, not by the cause of any situations or circumstances that's happening now???

New Year Resoultion

2008-01-03T19:10:00.000+08:00

Wow wow wow... A year has passed... Pardon me for being late for this Merry New Year... It's just 356 days round a year, and every day runs for approximately 24hours till one day it just hit the beginning of a brand new year... Year 2008... It's just a day, like every other normal day...

Well... it's still better to think about how I should get a head start for this new year... In actual fact, I shouldn't hold on till every new year and come up with this resolution thingy... We should be improving everyday... Nonetheless, I would like to pen my thoughts down... Under my denial, some events happened and for the past months... someone has somehow or somewhat entered my life and I need to make some adjustments in my life, both minor and major ones... My brain cells are actively working their asses off since then till now... It's not a real bad thing though... It's something pretty positive...

As I expected my life would be stagnant for the next 4 years back in late quarter of 2005, it seems that events that occurred in the past 2 years were not that I expected to be... Well, 'cos I'm not God... It's kind of a bitter process to go through -- from the Hopkins saga, my unsatisfying Lab job with a French lab, to the transitional phase of getting stuck in Loewe... In summary, I'm not a happy camper in general... but something indeed did caught up in my sleeves and make me thinking... I gave a BIG sign... Things happen for a reason which might be beyond my comprehension... But when I get to see things further, somehow I could understand the reason why... Right people tend to appear in certain points of my life when I start to panic for survival and they offer me the help I need... At times, I do give a miss... Sometimes, I just simply miss it... But in real hard times, I was given the opportunity and I accepted it...

I consider myself as relatively lucky and fortunate... A very well blessed child that I can't simply stop giving thanks... However, this is not to be taken granted for my life and right now, I'm trying to appreciate what has been given and fully maximize the opportunities that will pass by... As simple as it is, a New Year Resoultion that is perpetual I suppose...

Bite My Tongue

2007-12-13T20:43:00.000+08:00

Something to note myself...

"One of the main reasons we gossip or complain is to make ourselves look better by comparision... When I point out your faults, then I'm implying that I have no such faults so I'm better than you are. Complaining is bragging. And nobody likes a braggart. Here's another bit of sobering news: You wouldn't notice the faults in the other person if there were not also in you."

Will Bowen, in Complaint Free World: How to Stop Complaining and Start Enjoying the Life You Always Wanted (Doubleday)

Despite the ugly facts that I'm pretty upset with the people I interact in my everyday life, Life is still not that bad afterall... It's very irresistable to bitch about people whom poked onto your ass... Nonetheless, we still bitch the hell lot out of it... We might be excusing ourselves that it's a kind of emotional release, especially when we're seriously very upset over something or at someone... Nothing wrong with that, but I seriously would like to keep that "complaining session" short and sweet... After a night's rest, it's going to be History and I'll be fine... Easier to say than done... More difficult to achieve when you face the same old thing over and over again... Gradually, you bitch more and subsequently, you'll be crowned as the Queen of Gossips...

I don't deny, Life is getting better for me but not improving... Within my capabilities, I should seek out for more greener pasture than to stay at Loewe out of goodwill... Somehow, I feel utmost unappreciated and to really place everything on a ruler and measure it... The length of unfairness is longer than what I should be getting now rightfully... I bitch and complain to someone close to me, but I wasn't feeling frustrated or very upset over the entire situation... Undoubtedly, I do find myself picking up new skills, and I've become more patient... It's not that bad afterall... So I shouldn't be complaining... I might vent but I'd like that to be a kind of release and forget about it and let it go... This will definitely make my Life much easier to cope with...

I hate negative energies surrounding me, so I shouldn't be one... I should be happy and be good to myself... So good to the extend, for don't know whatever reason... I cut my hair short... Hahaha... Ernest said I burned my hair... Well, not exactly... It's a feel that's coming from me that I'd like to do so... Not any sorts of serious negative impact I've been facing, which a lot of people saw my new hairstyle think so... They're so wrong... It's nothing to do with anything... I'm just being good to myself... This should be the right way of living... Not to cut my hair or makes changes in Life when I'm No Good... Sounds silly and this don't make any sense...

I'll get my new hairstyle posted soon... Do watch out... Friends whom yet to see me, don't get too surprise, 'cos I look pretty different...

Customers, customers, customers

2007-11-26T23:30:00.000+08:00

These few days seems rather tough... and I don't feel so much to provide my service to the customers who patronised my store... Different facades of people, and somehow I seriously wonder do these people bother to give a damn to think that even Sales Assistants on the sales floor are humans as well... It's so unkind of seeing a human treating another human not in a humane way...

Truly enough, if I were to seriously bitch about it... Yes, those people are sucky and shallow, even they've huge bunches of monies inside their pocket who can afford to buy my thousand over dollars worth of handbags... Recalled what Ivan used to tell me, "They simply don't have the charisma to carry our handbags 'cos they are low class... So what they have the money!!!" Oh well, I completely agree with him...

I'm a customer as well, when I'm off duty to shop around... However, at times I just simply can't put my shoes in some of my customer's position... They can be so unreasonable that they can keep repeating their unhappiness to me without thinking I've already gotten what their complaint is all about... There's always reasons why high end brands have specific visual effects on their display, and why they're often more costly... But that doesn't mean the display piece being touched by consumers is not worth the amount of money you're paying... Fair enough, when the leather bags on display are so badly scratched, I can't convince my customer to buy it... Hmm, so where these scratches come from??? Of course, it's from my customers!!!

I've seen lots of people walking in touching and messing up my displays just for the fun of it, and they don't end up buying from me... The way they treat my leather handbags are terrible and inconsiderate... They just give me the portrayal that, "Well, I'm not going to get anything anyway..." Afterwhich, they threw my handbags like as though they are dumping rubbish after seeing it... I feel so much like slapping them... Those are selling items and anyone who is going to get it could be you!!! Whenever I approach them asking for assistance, a few of them either ignored me completely or just tell me "It's Okie, I'll look around" and continuing messing up my displays, causing those bags or wallets tumbling off the shelves when they're trying to put them back to how it's being displayed... It just don't make sense to me... Why can't they treat the store as though they're visiting their friend's house??? Seriously, I mean seriously if you saw there's a specific setting on the display, DON'T touch it and ask for assistance... That's the reason why people like us are on the sales floor... It's also for us to ensure our product are well taken care of and also to prevent our customer to be liable for any potential damages... In most cases, when a customer accidentally scratches my handbag, we don't usually demand them to pay for it although we possess the rights to... However, this doesn't means they can continue to "ill-treat" my handbags the way they want... In very worst situation I've encountered, it's the pushing of product fault entirely to us due customer's mishandling of the product, unreasonably demanding for compensation... To the extend, I was being threatened by one customers, pointing his finger at me, get my name and declared that he'll get me off the job... Well, I'm still with Loewe, perfectly fine standing on the sales floor providing my service... So what's the deal???

'Cos of the reputation of the brand and the amount consumers are paying for it, Yes I do agree that a certain level of premium service should be provided 'cos they're exclusive... Well, people are just being overboard and keep demanding without any logical reason... On a different point, no matter how bitchy I'm towards these nasty people, I still possess the benefit of doubt that they might be facing some kind of societal stress that we could not feel or see... Those thousands dollars worth of handbags they bought could be a form of emotional therapy in order to compensate the societal stress they are facing... So when they mishandle it, they just simply get too stress up over it and the only way to vent it out is to come back to the store they patronised... Sometimes, I find it hard to take the amount of shit they're throwing at me... As much I understand the reason behind such behaviour, I'm also human with emotions as well... I feel unfairly treated most of the times, but I know it's my job and I can't expect them to be understanding as well... There are actually people doing that on purpose... And not surprisingly, they're still trying hard to get Sales Assistants off their jobs...

Mr Candid Shot

2007-11-25T00:17:00.001+08:00

I've gotten a candid shot from Lionel... I was talking with Varence over the phone at Invitrogen... It looks like I'm at my own home... Lying real comfortably on the sofa... Indeed the sofa is really that comfortable...

When Lionel told me he took a picture of my butt, I wondered what exactly the hell is he trying to do... So this is what he took... Oh well, it seems like my legs are really long even I'm on ultra low hipster jeans... Nonetheless, I do feel very comfortable lying at the sofa... =)

Alright, the toad was not on Labour, the shot is misleading I should say... Ernest, I know he's laughing his way off... Lionel has the same thought... Hmm, you guys are really possessing the same thought...

Lionel, pardon me for that scratch over your upper lip area which makes shaving sucks... Ernest, thanks for saying I'm that catty... Didn't I notice that, anyway...

Toady Demo

2007-11-20T23:05:00.000+08:00

Oh yes... the next unit has started and today was the first practical demo - controlling the heart beat by using a toad...

This is something very interesting... I'm so excited about it that I'm the one who sat right next to the entire demo set, staring and watching so closely when the lecturer started to dissect the toad... The most interesting part was to watch how the toad was being pithed which destroyed the toad's central nervous system so that we can observe the toad's heart alive... Basically, the toad was brain dead...

That's where the all the toads were lying... Its heart was being lifted, and the heart was still beating...

Well, well, well... This was the exposed chest of one of the toads... Isn't it cool and amazing???

Handsome Warning!

2007-11-18T23:56:00.000+08:00

As I was walking in the middle of Orchard Road... Ernest and I noticed there's a bunch of cool, handsome looking guys wearing red T-shirts with Warning! together with some words printed below on their chest... They were distributing some red packages to ladies on streets...

So this is exactly what's printed onto their bright red T-shirts... and this is what they were distributing on streets...

As I guess what was inside by reading what was printed on the package, it was so obvious...

It's sanitary pads.. Innovative and interesting idea of getting handsome guys to get sanitary pads away... Kotex really has it's way in advertising and marketing the product...

It's Party Time!!!

2007-11-17T23:10:00.000+08:00

Exam is OVER!!!! Yeah!!! Finally, the tough 2hour time is over... Instead of getting back home to catch up the lost night sleep, it's Partying time... I was being invited by Stanc for his sweet 21st Birthday over at Zouk last night, together with a few of us... He's actually more than 21 in fact; humans somehow got to convince themselves age doesn't depicts aging...

The Glasses and Jugs and a bottle of Chivas... Indeed, we drank quite a lot...

That's Cadbury Chocolate, a gift that has a package that somehow looks like it's has been wrapped... Given by Vanessa to Stanc... Well, in hope that the chocolates will not melt while placed near the candle, I placed them inside the ice bucket... Never did I expected (or somehow expected it), the plastic wrapping is not really waterproof, it gotten soak... Oh No... Naughty me...

Chivas Live!!!... A solo glass drank by a solemn guy who seems not very happy... Well, I think so... Anyway, he left after that...

Well, music was not that bad... Spun by Stephane Pompougang... and see whose is dancing at the Podium???

It's Vanessa... The one who wants to get off early but in the end stayed till the end was her...

Melissa and Me...

Zenia...

Oh well, the pictures are taken using my phone as I didn't bring my camera in... Pardon me for the poor resolution but guess I started to know how sucky my phone camera is... Alternatively, I could be the one who don't actually know how to use a camera phone...

Resisting Entertaining Temptations

2007-11-16T23:50:00.000+08:00

Have been studying for the past days, trying real hard to get everything within my means to reach my understanding, for the exam this evening...

Seriously, studying at Home is very distracting... my bed is just behind me, my Mac is in front of me, my DVDs are just beside my Mac!!! With itunes and those entertaining applications, it's real darn distracting... Plus, my mum's bathroom was under renovation... Too noisy and irritating... And to escape from that, I got myself up to set off to Biopolis... to a much conducive scientific environment to study... And yes, I was at Invitrogen, as permitted by Angela to use her territory to study... With free-flow of coffee and cookies, and no restrictions, it's indeed a very conducive environment to study...

Cappuccino... freshly brewed from the coffee machine...

WNT Signalling Pathway... Thank God it's not within the context of study for the exam...

Yes, I've gotten someone to get me some potato chips... Having some cravings after studying for so long in a scientific environment... Too much studying induces vomiting, far too much to absorb everything... So I need something for my stomach instead of the brain...

As much as for my concern, I was fussy that afternoon... Lionel gotten the wrong brand of chips for me... I seriously doubt this will be tasty... Big pack though....

As expected, the quantity is pretty less, more that 50% is occupied by air... and it don't taste good... Yes, I was fussy... I dumped it after taking a few chips... but I finished the coffee...

2 Cents Worth

2007-11-12T23:35:00.000+08:00

Pre-exam stress is still ongoing... I don't really have the mood to work, not even want to serve and talk to any customers...

Monday morning was real quiet, and when my colleague Aggie came in to the store, she got this 2 little figurines out from the drawer... Hoping there'd be good sales today...

From the shower of "their blessings", I went back home without having any sales under my name...

Seriously, I don't understand how much our advice to customer actually worth... worth less that 2 cents??? Somehow or rather, I feel so much like not giving any advice to them, it's just not worth it...

My Juicy Type

2007-11-09T23:33:00.000+08:00

As time goes by, Exam is drawing near... For last night I only covered one lecture out of all the lectures I've been missing... I'm seriously in deep shit if I'm not gonna get my butts moving...

Best of all, I was on duty today till next Monday before I've got real time off for study... Well, well, well... At the glimpse of the corner of my eye, while I had to get myself ready for work for the day... I passed by the TV, which my mum left it on while chatting with her friend, Jenny in the Kitchen... Oh My God!!! This is the type of guy that I fancy!!! Seriously making me feel so much like drooling over it... Healthy sunshine appearances!!! Always my kind, my type of juicy treat... Haha... Oh No...

He's just a guest appearance on a Taiwanese Variety Food Show... and he's a Chef!!! I'm trying to catch a good shot of him over the TV, but gotten his charming laughter instead...

His name is Duncan by the way... Introducing healthy diet recipe over the show... He's doing Japanese cuisine... Oh dear, my favourite kind of food... and of course my favourite kind of the man... Hmm...

Look at the apron he's wearing... Isn't it cute? Oh well, 'cos he's the only male chef in the show, I think that's the reason why he has to wear this cute little apron...

Yes, yes, yes... I like to take notice on men's hands 'cos it tells something on masculinity in another aspect... Seriously, he has this very nice delicate huggable squeezable hands... Feel Sooo much like grabbing it... Haha...

Seriously enough, I've once thought of getting a chef as my partner, someone who can turn me so On with his food... Hmm... Duncan is Soooo the kind I'm looking for... Oh well, pardon me for the pre-exam stress I'm kind of facing... It's driving me nuts... Looking at Duncan somehow divert the stress I'm having away for a while... It's just like a kind of release after masturbation... After you've done with your stuffs, it's time to concentrate with what needs to be done... For my case, I need to get myself off to work...

A Day for A Lecture

2007-11-08T23:59:00.000+08:00

Exam is coming... and for this public holiday, I chose to study as I'm yet to touch a single thing... Moreover, I didn't actually attend most of the lectures and next Friday is the BIG day...

I was at Orchard this afternoon and I slept like a pig last night... I was real dead tire last night... It's has been a long long day for me... My original plan is to wake up early and head off to my office in Scotts, get myself into the mood to study before my lunch appointment with my friend... However, I was real way behind the plan and this do shows it's best not to plan anything in advance... Oh yeah... I was giving myself an excuse I think... Being in Orchard is very distracting where everyone is shopping around everywhere during this off day... I was distracted... Here it is... the pictures I've taken...

Pondering where this place is... It should be easy... I did at least cover up one lecture for the day despite I'm distracted...

It's about 930pm at the point of the time I was actually studying and still got distracted... Nonetheless, I covered a Lecture...

Interestingly Weird Combo

2007-10-30T23:11:00.000+08:00

I'm starting to fall sick - congested and sensitive running nose are getting onto my nerves... Nonetheless, as I didn't get to smell, it could be the best time to try something different... The Best food I ever had today; for the end of the day... Plain white bread with duck tongue and a cup of ginger tea... Oh yeah... weird combo... doesn't seems usual but interesting... I need to take some food before I pop any medicine into my mouth... Those duck tongues have been lying around in the kitchen and no one is touching them... So, I ate them... and that's the food I can see within my naked eye on the table...

Isoyaki Duck Tongue... I had 3 of them... There's only 3, so I ate them all... Brought back by my sister...

White bread... just plain white bread...

My ginger tea... in my Hopkins cup...

I yearned for HL strawberry milk, but it just too bad that I didn't buy any back home... Well, my sister was trying to be disturbing... Running to me in the kitchen and ask me who should she call for a prank joke - by asking them to get up from bed to pee... It's just simply disturbing but I suggested my sister, Jenny to her... I'm out of it while she continue to call her other friends...

Anyway, I'm sick again... Trying to rest though...

I'm A Beautiful Girl...

2007-10-27T23:59:00.000+08:00

Didn't I know (or remember or recall) I've been keeping my baby self pictures in soft copy... Interesting as it is, this is how I look like... like Tweety Duck - hybrid of Tweety Bird and Donald Duck... Puffy cheeks with huge iris that made my eyes almost without sclera... and a forehead of a Donald Duck... Lionel commented I look far more like a boy than a girl... It's my shortest hair of my entire life!!! But that doesn't mean this will make me a boy...

Seems like I'm playing with my iris by pushing them to the centre, trying to view the side of my nose bridge... I can still do that now, as a grown up...

Babies hardly look that cool without smiling... and I had those days...

Wearing the Pink Ribbon

2007-10-26T00:15:00.001+08:00

I've finally worn the ribbon... On my left chest...

Sinful Days...

2007-10-25T23:45:00.000+08:00

This is not truly very healthy... Such an unhealthy bitch life I'm living in... I'm having something high in cholesterol after a trial Hot Yoga session this Monday's afternoon... While I'm perspiring all the sweat out in the warm room studio, I "repowered" the fuels by having this deadly sinful food... Hormonal chaos within my human body, I'm having an estrogen hike few days back, and as of Monday as my first day of my uterine lining breakage, I felt dropped dead during Yoga... With all the sweat I'm simply not doing fine... Bad plan, bad planing...

This is the deadly food I'm having... to satisfy my craving... The Prawn Mee... I've seen the entire cooking process, it's not healthy... Pork lard and such...

Close up view... Gravy of the Mee... Seen that black little thing floating around??? That's from the Wok... Don't really seems good... But at the point of time... Craving.... drives me crazy... I finished them all...

Tea with milk from the Indian stall... Relatively high in sugar... is what I really need after a real Hot Yoga session... However, it's the carbo that I needed most... I've made bad choices for the day...

With the craves (shouldn't the hormones be blame??? I wonder... Hmm...), I had Prata on Tuesday for Lunch, 2 of them... Sinful sinful...

Shouldn't I take Fruits instead for the time of craves - those once every month episodes of mine... Maybe I should...

The Pink Ribbon

2007-10-16T23:55:00.000+08:00

Something I've been wanting to get... Finally, I got it after seeing and eying it for the past weeks... I got myself a Bustier from Wacoal... Camisole-like... In support of the Breast Cancer Foundation, I donated 2bucks and got this pink ribbon pin... In return with a $5 cash voucher which I can use as a rebate for the bustier I bought... in actual fact, it's $3...

It's Breast Cancer Awareness month... the pink ribbon is in...

Thursday Soba

2007-10-11T23:35:00.000+08:00

It's a dinner treat by Lionel... back to the Soba Restaurant at Paragon... As always, I'm there solely for their seiru... Just that the limited seasonal soba is not available, which made my choice of soba kind of harder... Nonetheless, it's still a worthwhile dinner... Something different for tonight... There's Deserts!!!

I really love the layout; the cups, the instructions, bamboos, and everything else...

The food of amazement...

Interesting tool...

Green tea cheese cake... It does taste great though...

The deserts!!! Oh Yes, this made the dinner complete...

Life is Good

2007-10-10T23:45:00.000+08:00

Life is Good for me... and I seriously know how to pamper myself... to a certain extend; mentally... Physically, I'm still working hard on this... but it's not gonna be much too far ahead...

For my very last Lunch with my fellow colleagues on my last day in Biopolis... I nearly forgotten I've actually taken some pictures... and here it is... at Holland Village Cha Cha Cha, Mexican food... Yum yum... Tasty tasty...

Margarita with a rim of salt... Unique taste though...

And this is what I had!!!

With a day off, Life seems rather amazing and also interesting... I'm glad I'm feeling grateful for each new day... Carpe Diem!!! As planned within my head, a week ago, I went for a haircut this afternoon... and it's my best hair day of my entire Life!!! Walking out the salon with stress-less mane... Hmm... I like the feel of endorphins...

That's my newly cut mane... Oh yes, that's without any make-up on... The focus is the Mane actually... Hmm...

And here's another take... My mane... Hmm...

More but not the least, I was greeted back Home by my Mum's herbal chicken soup... OMG!!! Great replenishment of those tire days I had... Seriously love this pot of soup...

Hot hot steamy soup... It's tasty!!!

New Life Reconstruction

2007-10-09T00:54:00.000+08:00

YES Yes yes... It's like been weeks I've been missing in action... Things changed within these days and I should say I'm suppose to be rather free... Anticipating myself to have more time to Blog and spend time with myself, it seems that being a freeman doesn't mean I'll have more time... I'm getting busier but with more Life... Hmm... I do sound I had once a bad real Life... Anyway, that's History...

I've left my French Lab, bade goodbye to redundancy and a great toast to my "New Life Reconstruction"... It has been a week over since I left, but I felt as if years has passed... Not it's just 'cos I'm getting busier with the free time I've got, but rather, my days are getting richer that I feel I'm advancing... Out of the days, I only got a day of not feeling good, the rest are happy days... Yeah!!!! This seriously proved leaving my Lab job is a darn real right choice... I'm happier now without a job!!! That's the best thing I can ever get in my Life...

Seriously missing school, I'm back!!!! Yes!!! I'm Back!!! Back to school... and recently, I've managed to chip myself into the class that has already started for a few days with a Lab session passed... Despite I feel utmost boring and unable to absorb every single word what the lecturer was talking about in class, I'm thrilled to be back (Oh yes, I was basically day dreaming in class)... It's going to be real fun to be a student in the Lab, and not being paid to work in a Lab... That's the difference... With me around in the playground, Fun is all that's going to get started... My classmates are pretty glad and thrill to see me back... just 'cos they simply can't resist a fun playmate like me... Haha...

More days to come, I'm guessing I'd not only be just as free as before... With a different kind of stress-free Life, I bet I've better days to come... I'd realise I'll be better in Life management, and of course, a Life of my own I'd like to lead... Here comes a Cheers to Myself and my New Life!!! Yeah!!! =)

Loving the Fool in Me

2007-09-24T00:40:00.000+08:00

While travelling back home on bus last night, I recalled a specific clear silly (or rather stupid as I considered) incident, along the way with my earplugs bursting with Michael Buble's jazzy sexy voice through my ipod... Of all the foolish things I've done - confessing my Love voluntarily in an impetus manner to a man of my Life...

Upon "reviewing" it from the back of my head, I simply can't stop thinking why would something foolish but yet dramatic happened... Haha... As I reflected, I seriously had no idea where did I even gotten such a courage to do so... Kinda of funny and indeed I'm laughing about it on my bus seat... Commuters must be thinking I must be crazy...

When I was in Secondary 2, I used to have a very very closed classmate or perhaps soulmate I should say... We were so closed to the extend, I was by his side when his then girlfriend ditched him for another handsome boy scout she got to know in a campfire... Poor him, being ditched for such a reason... Since then, we were like Superglue Buddies; simply can't get each other off our sight... Wherever we were, whatever we do, we were always together... We arranged to go to school together, we would wait for each other to go Home together, we lunched together during recess, we studies together during test and exams, even for our class projects, we were always working together... Till one fine day, I realised I couldn't agree to start a relationship with a darn rich guy who fancied me so much when he saw me in a campfire; 'cos I simply can't bear to put my heart away from my close buddy... Somehow or rather, I happened to share this to a close friend of his, Kelvin (who I'll never forget his name)... He was so thrilled to know about it and dying so hard to hope his ass off that we could be together... It's like we are going to be a perfect match made in Heaven... He tried all his way and means to persuade me to confess my feelings to him... Well, I insisted not as I was afraid once he knew it, we might not even be friends anymore... As disappointed as Kelvin was, the more he saw us being so closed to each other but yet can't be an item, he tried all his means to pull us together... So one afternoon, while the 3 of us and a couple of our classmates were around in our class after school, Kelvin made me to confess to him and assured me that he had the some feeling as I do and things will turn out well for us... Despite I still disagree, Kelvin said he'd say it on my behalf no matter what... Ended up we were both chasing each other, running in circles within the classroom till the poor buddy of mine had no idea what was going on... I was actually trying to catch hold of Kelvin to stop him spouting any nonsense to my buddy... In a fit of anger, I told Kelvin I'd confess myself... So, I approached my best closed buddy friend, held his hand up and said "I love you" to him right on his face... After that, I picked up my bag and ran for my Life... Embarrassing moment of my Life!!! For Christ's sake, the next day is Friday and I still had to see him in school...

That night, he called and we arranged to meet the following day before school and realised we were waiting for each other at the wrong corner opposite each other in the bus interchange... We only met in the bus and we were silent throughout the entire journey to school... Since then, I knew our friendship is not going to be the same again... Shortly after, I was transferred to another school and since then we hardly keep in contact to each other...

Years later, after I graduated and was in my beginning first year in Poly, I happened to bump into one of my ex-classmates in my previous Secondary school... Such an coincidence, he was one of my girlfriends' boyfriend... As we conversed, he brought him up to me and I still remembered... 'cos we have totally lost contact to each other, he wrote to me and send it to me via snail mail... It's not a Love letter though... just a form of regards he was sending... Out of curiosity, I replied his letter and asked him did he ever have a feel for me... He replied, and that's the last letter from him and we never contacted each other...

As foolish as I deem myself as, I feel so much like mocking myself... but yet the sweetness of my then naive mind is really commendable... I wouldn't have such a courage now to confess as I've gone more rationale compared to when I was only 14 years old... If I were to be a little more rationale then, I might not lose such a real close buddy... As a matter of fact, I still think the outcome will be the same even I didn't make the confession, Kelvin will... Oh well, I just lost a friend along the way out of my foolishness but gain an experience that not all guys are really that magnanimous to accept my confession... However, I don't deny I did in fact gave him a big shock out of his Life...

"I must learn to love the fool in me - the one who feels too much, talks too much, takes too many chances, wins sometimes and loses often, lacks self-control, loves and hates, hurts and gets hurt, promises and breaks promises, laughs and cries. It alone protects me against that utterly self-controlled, masterful tyrant whom I also habour and who would rob me of human aliveness, humility, and dignity but for my fool."

~Theodore I. Rubin, MD

Diamonds Diamonds

2007-09-21T23:20:00.000+08:00

For the past 2 nights, I was trapped in the world of blood diamonds... Not physically present in Africa, but watching the movie "Blood Diamond", cast by Leonardo DiCaprio and Dijimon Hounsou...

Well, my plan and intention was to watch the movie for an hour and then rest early for the day, but ended up I watched the entire show and slept in 3am on Thursday morning... Barely less than 4 hours sleep, I was off to work... My eyes were basically "attracted" to the show, hence I completed the entire 2hour plus movie... The following night was the night I followed up with extra features and documentary on conflict diamonds...

Apparently, as I truly believe... for the shit out of my Life, not even more than 1 people in Singapore who bought their diamond rings know about blood diamonds and the Kimberley Process... As ignorant as it is, perhaps I may be completely wrong... for Singapore is pretty well-known for a lot of areas in safety aspects and stringent controls... However, the most scary part is that you never know that piece of diamond you own could be a conflict diamond; which may have gone through the backdoor process to get it certified via the Kimberley process or sold clandestinely...

It's pretty sad and hard to swallow, situation in Africa is not really improving... Illegal miners and smuggling of diamonds are still very prominent... Trading for insurgency seems never to cease completely with blood shed in exchange... There're still about 20,000 of child soldiers... Still, as a matter of fact, poverty does strives desperate miners to go into illegal means which at that point, they wouldn't care much how the cost of those diamonds can rip their family and country apart one day...

Perhaps my thoughts are consider extreme, or rather it's inborn... I never had a love for diamonds... neither do I really want to touch it and yearn for it, for it may be stained with blood that cost thousands to millions of lives... for Christ's sake!!! May it be it's one of the most sought after organic stone on earth, it's just a piece of carbon stone...

Anyway, I can't afford to get one for myself, neither I'd like to get it even I had the money... When I got to know the story behind, every diamond could be a possible conflict diamond... How conflict free is it, only God knows...

The Sayings

2007-09-20T23:45:00.000+08:00

Do not fear to be eccentric in opinion, for every opinion now accepted was once eccentric...

Bertrand Russell 1872 - 1970

What the "old" people are saying... proven true since past till now, perhaps it becomes a fact in near future to come; with a rich history to follow... Does it really matter what the people say??? I'd rather choose not to be bothered by others, 'cos no matter what you think and what you do, there'd be at least 1 person who will disagree... Discouraging as it is... before the real thing get started, you never know how the future will change this person's point of view... It could be "Yes"... It could be "No... Even it may be a "No", there could be a starting increase in positive acceptance... So, why not take the risk??? Be daring for once and for all... You only get to live once...

Beautiful Facts of Poo and Gas

2007-09-19T23:30:00.000+08:00

I was reading on Oprah.com via my subscribed newsletter in my inbox this afternoon, and one article led me to another - all about health; food myths, legends and embarrassing issues like those farts and shits...

Hmm... and in my very personal insight thoughts and opinions... I do LOVE reading these interesting Beautiful facts... Beauty in Disgust in a factual way... It's what all humans are doing it everyday... Eat, shit, fart and poo... no matter how freaking busy you are... Even in days you're suffering in constipation, you still release potent perfumes out from your digestive tract... "An average person - for both men and women - passes gas 14 times a day"... Hmm, beautiful farty-arty fact indeed... so basically the whole world is farting everyday, perhaps good enough to generate an atomic bomb collectively (a myth adopted by the mythbusters on discovery)...

I had a rather silly unproven theory while I'm working as a part-time dental nurse during my Poly days... One of the reasons why people keep farting when they are constipated or even when they didn't poo for days is due to those compacted shit inside the rectum by releasing the gas trapped within it... which may be a reason why poo may be real hard to pass out, 'cos they are really pretty well compressed... Well, when I told my Dentist boss about this, he was like... err... speechless by giving me a whimsical look... I can understand that... Simply can't put up with my nonsense... but it does make some sense to me though anyway...

Well, well... it's all about health... the most embarrassing body issues could be a sign of all sorts of unhealthy lifestyle, living and illness... I do actually bother about the colour and length of my poo, and whether do I splatter fats onto the toilet bowl... Somehow, this may not be really possible in public toilets as most of them comes with sensor... so before I can really check it out, it flushes my poo away... At times, it also gives my butt a real cool refreshing shower...

Anyway, these are the interesting articles I've read... Worthwhile reading...

Investigating food myths
Facing the FAQs
Everyone Poops : Stools is a health indicator

Dr Oz. is rather charming isn't it??? Who wouldn't want to listen to him I wonder...

The Break

2007-09-18T13:30:00.000+08:00

Hmm... well, the way of Life... Errm... I mean my Life actually... Reminiscing, recalling, remembering those stupid silly decisions and things I've done in the past... Hmm... worth pondering, and also worth laughing... Sound rather irony and perhaps it provides no sense to the reader who reads this...

Well, I'm kinda of in a mood that's weird to describe today... Hmm... not seriously unhappy but I do feel unpleased, with a little bit of depressing to know my existing insignificant presence in my current Lab, yet I'm gonna say goodbye to redundancy soon... Feeling happy in real advance, and when I saw my dad this morning, knowing my sister is off from her work, I feel so much like staying at Home... Nostalgia... I'm starting to miss Home.. *sob sob*... Homesick... Given a chance if no one knows what the Hell I'm doing, I'd like to fly myself back home and watch DVDs on my Mac... Oops!!! Seems this is the actual reason why I'm feeling Homesick... Seems DUH ah...

I always tell myself I need a Break, truly really need a Break; a happy relaxing stress-free Break... and it seems this never happened till I want it firmly... Oh yes, I'm so looking forward towards it and with my utmost courage, I risk it all out with my daring heart... for once and for all, casting those fears away... It's my call now!!! I want that Break I'm looking for and its coming near!!!

Affirmative+Determination = I'm starting to visualise the budding seed of The Break in my Life... It's going to be a rich and well-spent one... Oh crap it, come on, being realistic really sucks!!! I'm yet to bid goodbye to my current situation... Counting down to days, I'm so desperately wanting to grab that day to this very moment, proudly pack my stuffs and walk out with pride in my heart...Yeah~

Looking naively forward to the new exciting adventure... Oh yes!!!

My Sensical Way to Dental Care and Hygiene

2007-09-14T22:30:00.000+08:00

Till date, I bet there're still a number of people, including my family and close friends didn't know I'll never brush my teeth before Breakfast... Well, it's just simply DON'T make much sense to me... This is not so Me for the first thing in the morning, especially when I'm at Home...

It's not really about laziness, neither it's a hassle, it's all about oral hygiene... I brush my teeth twice a day (in the day after breakfast and in the night before sleep after all food), sometimes 3 times and that's the maximum... Usually for every night I floss, brush and finished it with an alcohol-free fluoride mouth rinse... Except for those constant flowing of saliva within my oral cavity, my oral is basically quite well-protected and cleaned during the entire night while sleeping... Kinda of wasting of toothpaste and effort to double-brush your teeth early in the next morning...

Origin and formation of the word "Breakfast" comes from 1463, from break (v.) + fast (n.). Cf. Fr. déjeuner "to breakfast," from L. dis-jejunare "to break the fast," and literally means breaking the long fast during sleep, that the body is restricted to any form of nutrients adsorption due to long hours of inactive metabolic activities... Therefore, the first thing to do in the morning is to eat, not to brush your teeth... Seems rather affirmative of me... Hmm... I guess so...

Well, well... It's known that saliva contains antibacterial agents and one of them is secretory antibody IgA... Can be used as a disinfectant by licking onto the wound when clean water is not available to remove contaminants on the surface... Also, it does helps in pimples and acne... It'd be more effective to apply your very first "pioneer" saliva, which is very rich in antibodies onto your acne-prone face first thing in the morning... More effectively, get you dog or partner to lick your face, skin will get clearer... But you've got to make sure they have enough "supplies" and free of any infection on their mouth and oral cavity... If your partner has Herpes Simplex 2, that's it!!! Love is not forever, but Herpes is...

Alright, I digress...

Oh well, I still find it nonsensical to brush my teeth before breakfast... I'd usually drink a glass of water, pee and then moving here and there before breakfast... To think about it, I wouldn't want the remnant smell and taste of those fluoride rich toothpaste to hinder any of my appetite to enjoy my breakfast... i.e. I'd want to have the full taste of the food I'm having since I've problems with food since young... I'm learning to enjoy food and this is one of the way that wouldn't numb my taste buds early in the morning... Seriously, I do dislike harbouring of food scrap in my oral cavity... hence, soon after breakfast with all the food swallow down my foodpipe, I will brush my teeth and head off to prepare myself for the day... Make me feel fresher, cleaner with a nicer breath... Can you imagine talking to your boss and colleagues first thing in the morning with breakfast in your mouth, and food scraps stuck between your teeth that can be visible??? OMG!!!

Seriously enough, I really can't imagine that... With me having genes that are prone to decay, I'd have to take extra care... It's not something unhealthy and disgusting like what most people told me, I think this just makes much much more sense to me... =)

Those Graphical Days... I Miss Them Much...

2007-09-07T23:30:00.000+08:00

Oh well... I'm reminiscing... My past... of those Graphical days when I was a Graphic Design student... I'm a drop out anyway... Past past past... It's the past... I'm kinda missing them much... bursting my head out for extreme creativity, it's really fun especially when some real stupid funny ideas strike my mind... I just can't help it but to burst into laughter... then the next thing is to draw them all out and laugh at it...

This is what I meant by...

Flip flip flip... those pages of my sketch books during my 6 months course of study... Can't help it but to recall how extreme those thoughts of mine are... One of them is the "Mona Lisa" I've created... Well, it's a project as a class - to train on our creativity... We were given a story of the Little Red Riding Hood... With all the free and will of minds, we distorted the story and presented them in drawings in canvas, all by using our own original creation... and this was a sketch of the story we created... Little Fat Red Riding Hood...

Yes, that's my handwriting... Potential Doctor-esque character... Honestly, this was one of my neatest handwriting... Years have passed, and my handwriting has never been neater as before... A character of depth I deem...

My Prototype on how I want to present the part of the storyline on canvas... which is the statement no. 2 of the story... In portrayal of using Da Vinci's Mona Lisa Portrait, together with M&Ms chocolates... The actual artpiece is being framed and hang in my ex-Lecturer's Art Gallery, which till date, I didn't even go and take a look...

My Family Portrait... Hee...

Logos logos... I do love creating Logos... Do they look familiar??? It's all about Katie ah...

So when comes to my Corporate Identity Project... It's simply letting all my imagination went wild.. A Veggie Restaurant is my theme...

My Proposed Logos... Ranging from using the Cow to creation of Shrooms and the Garlic man... Out of 4, the Shroom in Black is the most Popular... where I adopted the concept from the movie "Men in Black"...

Logo approved!!! By Popular demand from friends and family...

And I went ahead to draft those name cards, letterhead and envelope, as if I'm really intending to set up a company... Fun fun fun...

Board games, board games... I do love board games though I'm not very well versed to most of them... Another project, a re-creation of Snake and Ladder... Mine was in educational version... History of Ginza, the building of the Pyramid... Much of the research was done on this... which I did indeed went a little too far to the extend I actually bought a pair of sandals from Charles and Keith where there's some Egyptian scriptures embossed on the insoles... I was very much Egypt-ion inspired...

Well, the proposed sketch on the board game... the tokens are actually mini pyramids with magnets inside, the entire game board was a piece of metal sheet, in the shape of a triangle... Well, the project was unfinished, only the "infrastructure" was done, the package design was not done... and I dropped out...

A day journal... in comics form... 24 boxes, a hour each... I'm supposed to draw my dreams out in those hours of sleep if any... I took it for granted that I wasn't dreaming...

Greeting cards... Using shapes, anything but not rectangular... I kinda of cheated in a way... I only trimmed 2 corners out to make it not rectangular... Uno shaped as I said it...

I really like this... All inspired by my dentist boss, whom is my ex-boss... I should gave him this card to him one day...

This is what I can do to my sister... Hahaha... This was a rejected piece by my lecturer on Digital Graphics, 'cos it's too simple on Photoshop... =(

That's all History and there're much much more stupid funny things on my sketch books... Well, too much for this page to take I guess... Hmm... The very much decent ones are perhaps my Fashion works...

Tough Real Sketch

2007-09-05T23:59:00.000+08:00

I was pretty curious what my sister is doing in front of her computer for so long... Hah... so she's trying hard to draw her flute... She's like taking for more that half an hour... and this was what she produced...

I probed... and teach her a little by showing her the basic techniques in still-life drawing... She was all over jealous by how fast I can sketch it out...

Oh ya... these are for fun... She asked me for a toilet bowl... and I showed her a sketch of a cartoon character I created which I did for my Graphic Design Identity project years back... Shroom in Black... hybrid of a fungi and the movie "Men in Black"...

Lunar 7th Month Dinner

2007-09-04T23:59:00.000+08:00

As specially commanded by my Mum... She called me about 4 times while I was in a meeting yesterday afternoon, I was ordered to be back home early for the Hungry Ghost Festival Dinner... @ the multi-purpose hall near my block...

Well, the dinner got started at about 830pm... It's always been a culture at my neighbourhood, people will just buy some items, get them all chanted with some form of prayers and place them for auction, usually more than the item cost, by means of getting some good luck home... For me, I'm not very into it, I'm there just 'cos of the food... It can be kind of fun but I do believe this kind of culture is going to be lost soon... From what I heard from my dad, the amount of people who get involved is getting lesser and every year since 5 years back, the community is always suffering a deficit for this event...

Life is tough, standard of living is no longer the same 20 years back in Singapore... Who would want to bid for 2 packs of rice (or 2 pot of plants) back home with a price of $800 despite it always come with a pair of big sweep - just for bringing luck back home??? I doubt so for now... Market value has gone down drastically... People are not willing to pay more than $200... To me, it's just ridiculously priced for groceries...

There was a change of MC for this year, however... Funny and cute uncle I should say... He has a front patch of golden fringes on top of his cool cut... Eye catching and very stylish for such a traditional event... During the night, he brought the crowd up quite high by encouraging them to "fart"... So it's all cheers of "fart"... Not the fart via assholes... "Fa" in Hokkien, which means "Rich" in a way... a Chinese expression... When pronounced in Hokkien, it does sound very much like "fart" in English... I do like the way how he translated Bicycle in Hokkien during the auction... it's really kinda funny... "Bi - 死车" (Bi-see-chia)... I was like... OMG!!! Dead Car??? True enough, riding a bicycle on street can get involved in an accident far more easier... I do agree with it...

This is the cute stylish MC I was talking about... Also the auctioneer of the night...

Calling a starting bid of $50 for a pack of rice...

Calling once...

2 pots of plants for auction... Deal at $180... Expensive plants...

The audience is being smitten by the MC...

Alright... the one is Orange is my mum... She's the so call "facilitator" for the event... Her job was just to call prices for the people on floor...

Every year, without fail... a group of performers will be here to "sing"... Kind of an Opera... From my understanding, it's meant for the "good brothers"... Nonetheless, this type of culture is soon to be phase out I believe... They used to have costumes, now it's just plain clothes...

That uncle who was playing with the Chinese Violin, Erhu was multitasking... Smoking and playing at the same time... Looks like it's kinda lagging... the neck of the instrument is not being held straight... hmm...

These are the performers... As always, big drums and dongs...

Even performing, they'll never forget to advertise themselves...

Anyway, the food is not too bad... however, 'cos of the long waiting time between dishes, I headed home soon after the 6th or 7th dish...

Feet Need Sleep Most

2007-09-03T01:06:00.000+08:00

It's early Monday morning... at 1.06am, I'm yet to be in bed... Soon after this entry, I'm going to see myself off to sleep...

Yes, yes, yes... My feet are really tired... due to long hours of standing with heels... With those bunions, it's even more painful with prolonged stress imposed on my feet... Imperfect feet as I deem though it's not truly affecting my life that much... However, I can't wear narrow pointed shoes and most of the heels, as those shoes are going to kill me with pain... Restrictions to beauty... Part of the job requirements, I just have to bear for it for those hours... Back home, I just have to spend some time massaging and squeezing my feet to relief the pressure...

Thoughts of going for a surgery have yet to cross my mind, but I'm about to consider this as an option in future... Before I'm going to do that, I need to look for a Podiatrist in Singapore... Meanwhile, I'd like to search for bunion regulators... Wondering are they readily available in Singapore... hmm seems like people here are pretty ignorant on fingers and toes... Such products seems no marketing value here... Well, I happen to find some on foot-health.info... Shipping to Singapore is gonna be expensive... Moreover, the "best" part is I can't really try them on; sizing issues here...

Before another hour has passed by, I better get myself to bed... My bed is just behind me, waiting to take me off to sleep... All I need is a BIG step towards it (just being pretty convenient)... I need to rest my feet well... They need sleep more than me just 'cos they support me whenever I go...

Un-Pretty Mood

2007-08-30T14:30:00.000+08:00

Well, well, well...

With my Mac hard-disk failure,
with my procrastination of not backing up my data,
with it being sent to the Hospital twice,
with being deprived of a Mac machine in my life for coming to 2 week...

Finally, I got it back home safe and sound... with no additional charges, and all programmes are almost re-installed back into my new hard-drive... Wee... My Mac-deprived days are gone... Hahaha...

Well, well...

My mood is not getting any prettier for the past days... One harsh night of sleeplessness made me a real-life zombie walking on streets recently... I skipped my Ballet lesson on Tuesday, a waste of 18bucks for the day... In exchange, I went to shopping for my personal toiletries instead... a day which I've been planning to do it weeks back, just that a chance don't get by since my days with Loewe... Looks like retail therapy don't actually work much for me as it seems... I need sleep more instead... Nonetheless, just based on items bought on Tuesday's night, I spent about less than $150, including a $20 top up on my EZ link card... Right enough, for the next 2 nights, I slept like a Pig...

Well...

Expecting more un-pretty mood to come by... due to lack of rest and sleep as it seems... I'm invited by the Invitrogen Girls tomorrow's night for Partying and Saturday's evening... dinner and KTV session with Melissa, Cassie, Ernest and the rest... It seems this weekend is pretty well planned, but the rest of the hours, I'm working... This is going to tire me off, I'm pretty sure...

So what's better mood for me to come??? Thinking, pondering, wondering... Hmm... I need some balanced Real Life... Dear God, please medicate me with some Life pills...

Tough Deal

2007-08-26T23:59:00.000+08:00

Exciting weeks!!! Oh my God!!!

It's coming to my 4th week stay with Loewe... and today, for the day, one of the "largest" bill I've ever encountered... Our very first customer is a local middle-aged guy, buying over $15k of handbags from us... Wow!!! However, as bizzare as it seems, this person who splurged so much on our handbags made us feel otherwise, as transaction was dealt with a man with no idea how to take care of leather bags... It's the first time out of my life to meet someone who spent so much on luxury leathery bags without giving a damn on how to treat the delicate leather bag nicely... Giving me demands (teaching me as well) on how to pack the bags; squeezing 9 bags into 2 X double paper bags by removing all the stuffings... Not so much of a choice, he's our "big" customer, have to kinda abide to his demands to keep the deal... Well, it's all out of our guided packaging standards which looked real ugly and not up to Loewe's reputation...

Nonetheless, my days spent within Loewe is still as exciting, meeting different walks of people... Guess to date, I've sold coming to about $12k worth of luxury items to my customers... If that was my monthly salary... hmm... I'm hoping so... Dreaming though... Hee...

Mac is Down Again

2007-08-24T23:30:00.000+08:00

This seems rather infuriating... My Mac is down again... =( It seems so within a few hours when I'm upgrading my OS... What a luck!!! Trying real hard to stay as calm as possible as I'm able handicapped for coming to a week without my Mac and have to rely on a PC... I'm kinda of suffering from "post-Mac sickness" syndrome...

Well, my OS is not starting at all and my Tiger 10.4 installation disk is being stuck within the drive, unable to eject... Guess I've got to bring my Mac down to the "Doctor" tomorrow morning... Hopefully, there's no further additional charges, as I can't really hear the hard-disk working and when I placed my ear near to the base, it's making some strange sound...

Oh well, things just don't get so well for me so... Another Mac-deprived period coming soon...

Another Opportunity

2007-08-23T15:30:00.000+08:00

Something to think about... A great opportunity just came by... Thanks to Catherine... However, puts me in another different kind of position... It's now all up to me how much I want to take up this challenge... It's something I've never done before, zero experiences and perhaps with zero knowledge on what the company is doing...

I had a met up with the Managing Director last night, supposed to be an interview session, but it seems like an interactive session that lasted coming to 2 hours... Giving me a freewill of option to take up the position or not... No doubt, it's a rather rare opportunity to meet someone along your life, who is willing to exploit his subordinates' talents and respect them as independent individuals... Too early to say so just based on barely 2 hours of meeting... However, it's really a high time change... Great one I think...

This really makes me wonder what really makes a good Boss and why the world out of Government systems always seems much greener... I'd love to work under a company who can see an asset in me and fully exploit my talents rather than just paying me to work for them under a locked-in system, where my position is justified based on my qualification... It's just basically not my cup of tea; just solely to work and get my monthly paycheck back home...

I've got this feel that the MD is a nice boss and to work directly under him not only train me to be a competent individual in the society, but also exposing myself to more things I can ever imagine across the borders...

My Mac is Coming Back Home

2007-08-22T11:58:00.000+08:00

Oh Yes... Finally, my Mac has been declared discharged... and I'm going to fetch it back home later this evening... However, I'm anticipating that most of the files and data I've stored within my Hard-disk is not going to be retrivable... ~Sob Sob~

With my previous 4 year old 30G Hard-disk is being upgraded and replaced to 120G, I'm paying about less than $200 for it... In comparison with Ernest, an upgraded and replacement of 40G to 80G had actually cost him about $500+, mine is really a great deal... But with a price to pay... I may have lost all my data, music files and those photos I've taken!!! I may have to dig into my .Mac network drive to see what are the files I've backed up there, in hope I can get at least some of them back... Seriously hoping...

So tonight will be the night of finding those "lost" files...

On the Brighter Side

2007-08-15T23:30:00.000+08:00

Oh well, as what Catherine said, what are the bad that had befallen on me, it created another opportunity for me... As it seems, at the very moment when things in my current job is not working pretty well, I'm able to fall back to Fashion Line... Apparently, I can see myself much more suitable in this line... As I'm already with the company on a part-tome basis, the manager is far more interested to get me converted to a full-time permanent employee...

On the brighter side of my Life, I'm looking very forward for this to happen...

Mac Deprived

2007-08-14T23:59:00.000+08:00

When all things are not working well, (~Sign~) more other bad things befallen on you... It seems this applies to me well... My Mac harddisk is gone; failure... and best of all... my procasination kills... I didn't back up most of my stuffs on my Mac... =(

I sent my Mac to Apple Service Centre yesterday and it has to be hospitalised for at least 5 working days; it's harddisk is going to get replaced, in hope the saving team can retrieve most of my data out from the disk... and now I've to rely on PC to check my emails and get some stuffs done... for a while I deem, soon I'll get my Mac back... Yeah!!!

It's really been hard days for me recently as I'm trying to sort things out and get some of my problems resolved... especially my health is not putting me at any advantage... As much as I'd like to defend myself to resolve certain issues, it's best to stay still and let things go blunt... and it seems, tongues have stopped wagging and my aunt somehow has tried to talk to me and prepare me drinks for breakfast... which makes me wonder is this out of guilt or something beneath??? Nonetheless, I think this is not a good time to think about what she's thinking... I choose to leave her alone no matter what happens, but to concentrate what I'm suppose to do... more for myself...

I've been sleeping rather early these few days 'cos I'm sensing I'm going to fall sick and serious enough, I couldn't get myself off the bed this morning and need to take a day offf - sleeping a straight 12hours of the day... very sleep deprived recently... Despite that amount of sleep, I still feel the need to sleep...

Tomorrow will be another better day... =)

Trust and Judgement

2007-08-11T11:59:00.000+08:00

It's a day off from Loewe... Especially on Saturday, it's not supposed to be a day that I can go off... Nonetheless, it has been quite some time I'm yet to meet up with YL and Ernest... As arranged, we met for Lunch, however, ended up a Buffet Dinner at The Market Place... Sometimes it's not always as planned... But anyway, we still dine together, that's the point...

It looks like almost everyone is facing a certain level of stress from different parts of our Life; a kind of negative stress manifested from the problems we are facing... We're all Humans after all... Main topic of the day - Money and trust issues... the root of all Evil... No doubt, something unpleased happened to Ernest's friends; betrayal of human trust that ruined a friendship of coming to 10 years overnight... It's kind of hard to swallow for the first time, however for me, it's kind of easier... The thought of a deceptive semblance being portrayed in front of you really disgusted me to the utmost... Comparatively to a relative of mine, it's even more disgusting as we were somehow blood related... and I found it even harder to swallow... I was betrayed by my cousin of over 20 years, whom had watched me grown up since young... I couldn't ever imagined someone who is over 10 years my senior, someone whom I can see as a senior whom I can respect, betrayed my trust and did something behind my back without a single sense of guilt and remorse when I disclosed all her evils deeds which implicated me so much that I was depressed for almost 2 weeks... The horrible side of her, who wiped out all her mum's money in her bank account without her knowledge really shows how much greed had engulfed her to this extend she can regard not a human at all... Everything can never be the same again... and I can understand that... Whenever the recollection of talking to each other heart to heart in a Spa together with my cousin, it just utterly disgusts me of instantly... the feel of how can a human face you as if nothing has ever happened but yet behind your back, she's stabbing you like nobody's business... That's history but it's never the end... There're rollover impacts after this...

Adding on to the 20 years of my family estrangements, my cousin still somehow doing something silly and indirectly stirs things up... Such a despicable person, I'm utterly puzzled by my aunt and her mum's behaviours that still trust her much in monetary issues... A slight family dispute within my family between my aunt and my parents including myself, drives her to call up my cousin's mum for consolation... spreading tales of me and my parents ill-treating her and me dying hard to chase her away from the household... creating an utterly ugly image of me... All thanks to my aunt, who is one of the kind who had misled me to hate both my parents for the past 20 years... When the same kind flock together, the amount of evil works they are creating is far more than you can ever expected... I wish she has never appeared in my Life forever since I was born... Just by words from mouth, when you were a young little girl when all morale values are being inculcated, you simply have no choice but to take everything in with your little naive mind... Till the day when all evil hearts of all humans are disclosed and when you're matured enough to judge between the blacks and whites, you'll get to understand it actually takes that long to understand the one main cause to an over 20 years of problems... Not through an incident, neither via an undisclosed history, but it's just through words from the mouths and the hearts of greed of the evil ones... Isn't that cruel??? When all of the evil deeds roll over to the descendants, it's not by choice...

It's never easy to accept and be real brave to fully accept these are the people you've been living with for your past 2 decades and in time to come, you're still expected to face them to a certain sense... Neither it's a choice made by me to expect these people and incidents to touch my Life... Right now, I do possess the freedom of choices; let the wise restraints to set me free or I'll continue to stay in such indulgences... Especially when this has never happened to you, you can never get to understand the underlying negativities and stress you're constantly facing and trapping within, with struggle... Hence, for that person who known himself as "Transcend" who left a comment, which I had deleted, on one of my posts recently, certainly had completely no idea what kind of Life I'm journaling simply has no rights to pass me that judgment... Humans needs Encouragement to gain Strength to be brave but not any form of judgments that will only rub salt onto the wounds... It's always inevitable to vet your sadness in any sorts, as long as you shorten that period of time and do something constructive, it already shows you've accepted it through "grieving" and start moving on... "Transcend" failed to understand that as I deem...

Unbrave of him to pass such a comment without leaving a link... and I don't think he even know me in person well, neither do I...

"Do not judge, or you too will be judged. For in the same way you judge other, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you.
"Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in you brother's eye and pay no attention to the plank in you own eye? How can you say to your brother, 'Let me take the speck out of your eye,' when all the time there is a plank in you own eye? You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your own eye, and you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother's eye."

Matthew 7:1-5

Time Well-Justified

2007-08-10T11:59:00.000+08:00

A great sense of satisfaction... In comparison to the past, it's seriously the time I can enjoy getting little paid with the amount of work that I can justify... Back to Luxury Fashion line on a part-time basis do let me feel competent but yet another different kind of stress, much much lesser and easier compared to the Scientific world...

Perhaps, it just only 2 days, kinda of too early to judge... Nonetheless, facing another different kind of world at least don't make me feel trapped and enclosed... At least, I've gotten some part of my social life much more interesting... I wouldn't deny the people I've met are mostly the rich, influential and a much more higher social class, including celebrities... Neither they would be that reasonable just 'cos they're more educated or better well-off in the social class to a certain sense... All walks of Life comes in, far more a better view than enclosed in a Lab doing the same amount of work over and over again which in decades to come, it may lead to nothing... I can just simply say, a lot of brainwork needs to be involved in the Lab, and sometimes a creative idea can be a pain...

Holding a full-time Lab job, part-time Fashion sideline and part-time degree, I'm thinking how things can work out when the new term starts... It seems I'm working too hard and it may be killing me... Oh well, not working that hard now, when then??? It's always never too early or late to gain as much experiences as possible... In fact, in another different perception in my Life, I'd like to give myself a much better planned schedule in my time to juggle between the commitments I've undertaken, which I believe this can me into a more committed person who know how to plan and diversified my time effectively...

If there's a will, there's always a way...

Health

2007-08-09T22:30:00.000+08:00

The weather has been running haywire again recently... And I think I'm caught up with an allergic respiratory reaction, and I'm guessing I'm going to fall sick... Seriously, I hope not... With the recent stir-ups in my Life, my health has not been catching up too well...

It's time to seriously think about how to actually take great care of my mental health... Delete away those negativities from work, life, home, etc and try to input more positivity... Thinking more healthily, believes my health will improve... In fact, much much more...

"What gets us into trouble is not what we don't know...
It's what we know for sure that just ain't so..."

Mark Twain...

Amazing...

2007-08-06T23:59:00.000+08:00

Cna yuo raed tihs? Olny 55 plepoe out of 100 can.

i cdnuolt blveiee taht I cluod aulaclty uesdnatnrd waht I was rdanieg. The phaonmneal pweor of the hmuan mnid, aoccdrnig to a rseerach at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it dseno't mtaetr in waht oerdr the ltteres in a wrod are, the olny iproamtnt tihng is taht the frsit and lsat ltteer be in the rghit pclae. The rset can be a taotl mses and you can sitll raed it whotuit a pboerlm. Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe. Azanmig huh? yaeh and I awlyas tghuhot slpeling was ipmorantt!

Something interesting is going on within the Brain while reading this... I wonder how AMAZING can each human brain perceive...

A Sunday

2007-08-05T23:45:00.000+08:00

This weekend has passed... and tomorrow is another Monday... the day I'd have to go back to my Lab... What a shame... I'm thinking how to face the irony situation... As what Andrea said, situation has taken out of control and it's not within my means by choice... Basically, I'm left with no choice but to face it bravely... Whether they can see the asset in me, I don't think it's a concern right now...

Peaceful Sunday today, and for the first time I witnessed my parents at home for more than 6 hours, I'm glad and happy enough... Another possibly better thing for me is I managed to find a potential suitable violin teacher to guide me well... Will be meeting her in person next week, if the chemistry is there and we both feel comfortable with each other, I won't feel oblige to take up any lessons with her...

Tomorrow is yet another day, and the night has not ended for today... Brace up and focus for tonight before Dawn... =)

Vincent (Starry Starry Night)

2007-08-05T01:40:00.000+08:00

The very first time I heard Vincent is via Josh Groban's pilot self-tittled album... Immediately, I fell for it... Written by Don McLean, a tribute to Vincent Von Gogh, a Dutch Post-Impressionist artist... A Beautiful song indeed...

Starry, starry night
Paint your palette blue and gray
Look out on a summer's day
With eyes that know the darkness in my soul
Shadows on the hills
Sketch the trees and daffodils
Catch the breeze and the winter chill
In colors on the snowy linen land

*Chorus
Now I understand what you tried to say to me
And how you suffered for your sanity
And how you tried to set them free
They would not listen
They did not know how
Perhaps they'll listen now

Starry, starry night
Flaming flowers that brightly blaze
Swirling cloud and violet haze
Reflect in Vincent's eyes of China blue
Colors changing hue
Mourning fields of amber grain
Weathered faces lined in pain
Are soothed beneath the artist's loving hands

For they could not love you
But still your love was true
And when no hope was left inside
On that starry, starry night
You took your life as lovers often do
But I could have told you, Vincent
This world was never meant for one as beautiful as you

Like the strangers that you've met
The ragged men in ragged clothes
The silver thorn, a bloody rose
Lie crushed and broken on the virgin snow
Now I think I know what you tried to say to me
And how you suffered for your sanity
And how you tried to set them free
They would not listen
They're not listening still
Perhaps they never will

It's All Enough

2007-08-04T22:31:00.000+08:00

I don't feel good... It's like being bottled up and I can't yell it out to vent to make myself feel better... I choose to remain silent but yet I'd like to talk... Things got stirred up in my family again... I can't understand the estrangement that has remained in my family for years that has never been resolved... Honestly, as my parents' daughter, I feel utmost SHIT...

I appeared as if nothing has happened, for the past 20 years... as if I'm just a normal person, smiling and joking with my friends when I get to see them, and back home have fun with my younger sister... 'cos I understand I shouldn't allow any form of emotions to overtake me to affect the people around me... It'd be unfair for them to witness and feel heavy on the emotional burdens I've been having that's has never subsided... Problems exist and I took coming to 20 years to get to understand the estrangement within my family... The reason why I used to detest and hate my parents... the reason why I deem them as irresponsible... the reason why they have to bring me out to this world but yet never make an effort to take care of me, allowing me to face this cruel world since day 1 I was born with the little naive mind of mine... the reason behind why there's a presence of another person in my family, who keeps stirring things up to strain relationships between my parents and us... The constant feel of fear to know the truth and the evil hearts of human almost made me get to the point I feel very dejected and helpless...

Over 20 years have passed, I've been struggling for 20 over years... I always say "I've enough" but yet I still brave up the facts, and move on with full hope of mind filled with positivity... I'm here now again, feeling more than "I've enough", unable to speak, bottled up and all I'm doing is to just swallow down everything and move on again... Tomorrow will be another day...

Unexpected Wish Come True

2007-08-03T14:45:00.000+08:00

As according to my wish and as expected... Had a conversation with my boss and realised we are not in consensus, and in a few months time, I'll be leaving my Lab... as soon I get better opportunity elsewhere...

I didn't feel upset and despondent by the situation and I can't find a strong valid reason to push the blame to myself, my boss, the Lab or anyone else... It's indeed, I feel unfair to a certain extend and perhaps I'm really that incompetent in their eyes... However, I've made my stand and point very strongly by telling my boss the truth on how I feel, for all the respect and understanding I've been giving, despite they know I've been unhappy... We're both expecting something from each other but nothing comes out from our expectations... If that's the way how they work in the Lab, I've totally no qualms about it and move on to the niche where I feel comfortable...

There's basically nothing to be upset about, but to not feel unhappy about it, it's a lie...

Irony Suicide

2007-08-02T23:59:00.000+08:00

The Son came back home witnessed his mum committed suicide and struggling to die and to live at the same time... Just in time, his mum's friend was with him and sent her to the hospital... She managed to live again...

Back home, the Son received the suicide letter and read it... Her mum was discharged from the hospital...

The Son said, "I got the letter... Thanks..."

"Oh my God... I've forgotten..."

"You forgot... You forgot the suicide letter..."

"Well, I didn't think I'd have to remember it, did I?... Did you read the part where I said I'd always love you?"

"It's a bit hard for you to love me when you're dead, isn't it?"

This makes perfect sense isn't it??? Excerpt of Marcus and his mum's conversation from the movie "About A Boy"...

A Hundred and One 101

2007-08-01T23:59:00.000+08:00

It's the 101st Post... Life isn't that bad afterall... The Sun shines every morning whether you feel down or not... So, don't let those dark clouds over your head making your day gloomy... Alright, I know in some days, the sky is getting dark and when you know it, it's starting to rain... Just like today, 2 hours since I've woken up this morning, at 10:28am - it's raining... Something not encouraging is going on here... It seems that when days I took a break off from work, it's always raining... but hey, it's raining heavily with the sun shining BRIGHTLY...

With all sorts of things I used to do and all forms of encouragements to myself in days I don't feel good... 101 of them...

Cry and feel upset over it...
Grieve over it and feel sorry about yourself...
Cry one whole night if you wish, you'll get tired after that... So go to sleep and rest your body... Your body needs the rest after you cry so hard... Besides the swollen eyes you'll get the next morning, you'll notice your face gets clearer (due to the antibodies secreted in your tears)...
After crying and feeling sorry about yourself, be grateful that you're still alive...
It's alright to feel upset and sympathise yourself, but remember that you're not ALWAYS alone... and perhaps somewhere, somehow someone is praying for you that you may never know...
When you're crying over the situation, remember that someone else is fighting hard to stay alive...
You can't choose who your parents are, what race you're, how pretty or handsome you're, how tall you're... but that's the way that makes the unique you... Learn to appreciate it and you'll find the beauty within you...
Look at the beautiful side of your Life and be grateful what God has already given you while these have been given since the first day you're born, even you didn't ask for it...
Ask how much you love yourself... If you truly love yourself, there's no reason why you can't be happy...
When your days of unhappiness surpass far more than your days of happiness, it means you're not loving yourself more, treating yourself better... Be good to yourself...
You deserve your own love and self-respect more than anyone else in this world...
You can give everything up but NEVER yourself... You can lose everything but NEVER yourself...
You can't forget your past, it's facts that has already happened in your history... Accept it, embrace it and move on... If you can't accept your past, people around you will never...
It's never easy to be courageous to take the first step to change, but it's always easy for fear to take you down... So fight away your fears and be brave...
Obstinacy and being self-centred don't solve the problem... If you can make impartial decisions at your work, you sure can do that for your Life...
When there's a will, there's always a way... When there's a cause, there's always a solution...
Write all your existing problems down and be your own judge...
Weigh out all the pros and cons while you're thinking of solutions to a problem on a piece of paper to have a better view...
No one owns you a living and blaming don't benefits you at all...
When the next caller call you and and greet you with "How are you?" reply with "I'm still very much alive, thank you."
Take all sorts of chocolates - bar, milk, drink, fondue, etc... Eat and fill your stomach 'cos you need the food but NOT binging...
When you flare up and lose control of your emotions, remember that the people whom you vetted on may have completely no idea what you're going through, and DON'T expect people will understand if you don't give the kind of understanding to people around you when you're down...
The dynamic world still moves on with or without you, whether you're happy or unhappy, like it or not... To choose to be happy or being upset with yourself and your situation, it's your call...
You've all the rights to choose and make choices in your Life, so don't complain on the choices you've already made... just 'cos you ask for it... Either you rectify the problem or learn to accept it...
Bitch about your unhappy life or your bosses to your friends if this will make you feel better... But DON'T do that often 'cos this will make you a complaining person and you'll never be happy the way things are in your Life...
Take a stroll at the park or besides the beach...
Keep quiet and don't talk for the whole day...
Express all your unhappiness on your face but GIVE a BIG Smile the first thing you step into your office the next day...
Write all your unhappiness on a piece of used paper, and trash it after writing...
Journal it... Blog it...
Re-read your previous journal or blog entries and understand how much of a pathetic pig you're previously... If you still think you're that pathetic, you'll always be until the day you laugh at your previous self and appreciate how much you've learned along your life journey...
Give yourself a pat on your shoulder as a form of encouragement...
Drink lots of water... 'cos you need to replenish the water when you're crying...
Take a Banana...
Take tea with milk... or drink a cup of coffee...
Go for a shopping spree... Shop online...
No money to spend, go for a window shopping spree instead... Try all the clothes, shoes and bags you see on each boutique as you window shop but buy nothing back home...
Or rather, try to get a book or get a music CD by an artist you've not known before back home...
Music shop at HMV and listen to an entire album there...
Read a book at the Borders...
Walk along with the crowd in the middle of a busy city...
DON'T try to kill yourself to catch attention, 'cos when you're dead, you can't witness that...
If you don't know how to face it, stay blank for a while first...
DON'T always expect people to be by your side just 'cos you've got to be emotionally independent so that even when the whole world crumple, you'll still stay strong...
You don't own people your Life, neither they own your Life... So be responsible and accountable to yourself...
Life is not supposed to be suffering... but never a bed full of roses... You've got to work towards it...
When you think you're suffering, 1 person dies every minute from extreme poverty...
Breathe harder and hold your breathe and count to 10...
Watch and observe people in the crowd...
Watch a DVD, Comedy or Movie...
Watch The Oprah Winfrey Show...
Watch or attend a funeral and you'll realised how vulnerable Life is, and the more you should cherish your own Life... While the family members of the deceased are grieving over his/her demise, be glad that you still have the choices to choose how to lead the rest of your Life before your death...
Read a Novel, Biography or Magazine...
Listen to Classical music...
Play your musical instrument... Violin, Piano, Recorder, etc...
Sing along with your favourite artist on your iTunes...
Surf the internet to read on other people...
Look at the mirror and give yourself a BIG Smile and encourage yourself that everything is gonna be alright...
Talk to yourself in front of the mirror...
Able to face your most ugliest self on the mirror...
Get yourself tissue to wipe those tears and blow your nose...
Hug yourself...
Call your best friend to confine if you need to talk...
You're the best person to confine, and you'll learn to listen and understand yourself more...
DON'T blame the entire whole world on what has become of you 'cos you've the ability to control who you want yourself to be...
Give yourself the respect and love by NOT hurting yourself...
Learn to accept the facts and move on...
STOP feeling guilty and weak about yourself... Say sorry to yourself and learn to forgive yourself...
Spend one whole day alone with yourself...
Take a nap... or sleep one whole day...
Dance... Exercise... or go for a swim or your Yoga lesson...
Take a day off from work if you feel like to...
Draw everything that comes into your mind on your sketchbook...
Write your name on a piece of paper and fill it all up... 'cos that's you...
Fill a page with only your signature... 'cos that's you...
Go for a haircut...
Take a shower...
Clean and organise your room, you'll feel you've gotten your brain to do something useful and you'll start to feel good about yourself...
Lay out all your finances when you're troubled with money... Accept the debts you're facing and work towards a way to solve it...
Write down why you are unhappy about on one sheet of paper and what you are happy about your Life on another sheet... Compare and contrast and ask yourself what you want in your Life...
Set up an Impression Board... Stand and look at your Impression Board everyday...
Think about your health... Feeling upset will only make you get older faster... Not worth it...
Remind of yourself the decreased amount of endorphins in your body whenever you feel upset...
DON'T Assume, it's Man greatest enemy...
Be calm and stay cool...
Be Honest with yourself...
Set up an aromatherapy vapouriser with Lavender in your room...
Pray...
When negative thoughts strike your mind, make an effort to think positively... Make a choice which you'd like to manifest...
Feel fortunate that you still have a pair of hands and feet to do what you want and bring you from places to places you like to go...
Feel beautiful about yourself and think that you're the most beautiful person in the world... You'll see the beauty in you...
No one is worthless unless you think you're one...
Think about the people who are suffering in deep poverty and you'll soon realised you're much more fortunate...
Learn to take great care of yourself first before others...
Ask for it and you'll be given... All you need to do is to believe... You're what you believe... Have faith in yourself...
Write a Will, and make necessary beneficiaries for all your existing policies... You'll know who are the first person(s) you care, even after you're no longer around... That's where you'll notice what grateful and appreciation is like...
Become a best friend of yourself, so that you can get all the support...
Don't compare yourself with others... What you've, they may not have it and vice versa... So there's basically nothing to compare...
Smile and show your sparkling white teeth to the entire world... It don't cost you a single cent...
DON'T be so hard to yourself... Be tough though...
I know it's always hard to do all these and think positively when you're down despite you know it, as the forces of negativity can be so strong that it may even cost a Life... There's a reason why you're here... When you're struggling in your sufferings, it means you're trying hard to live... It's inevitable to feel upset when things are not right, 'cos we are humans with flesh and blood filled with emotions... While you're struggling to fight, as long as you allow the thought of negativity to take control, that's the end of the battle... You surrender and lose... All of your effort will be all the way down to the drain... As long as you've the will, even the smallest of all and pull yourself up, the force is ever going to be that great enough to pull yourself through, even at the very last minute you can ever imagine... Say No and be Brave...

"There's hope...
It doesn't cost a thing to smile...
You don't have to pay to laugh...
You better thank God for that..."

Chorus adopted from "There's Hope" by India Arie

"Smile...
Though your heart is aching...
Smile...
Even though it's breaking...
When there are clouds in the sky,
You'll get by...
If you smile...
Through your fear and sorrow...
Smile...
And maybe tomorrow...
You'll see the sun come shining through for you...

Light up your face with gladness...
Hide every trace of sadness...
Although a tear...
May be ever so near...
That's the time you must keep on trying...
Smile...
What's the use in crying?
You'll find that life is still worth-while...
If you just smile...
Keep on smiling...
Oh yeah...

Smile...

Never, never, never stop smile...

Smile..."

Lyrics adopted from "Smile" by Rod Steward...

Heavy Tuesday

2007-07-31T12:04:00.000+08:00

Had a rather ugly scene with my Dad last night and I wasn't feeling much better... And ended up having a heavy day this morning... With the stories I heard from my cousin's side on my sister, things just got stirred up for me... The incidents are not pleasant and I shan't go on any further...

However, these 2 incidents do allow me to think and reflect deeply rather than avoiding and pushing the problems away and diverge my attention to something else... As I stood in front of my impression board last night and this morning, I realised how far-fetch am I... but it still brings me to ponder... If I allow existing problems to roll over, I can never get there... For a lot of things that I can't control, I've to work on building up skills to handle situations well, and be fair enough for myself and the people around me to get through... Feeling upset and being in indulgences are not going to help... and I'd only allow more "negative stuffs" to fall on me...

I think the best for me now is to stay still first, be quiet and let my mind free for the day... 'cos the words "I don't know" came across my mind when I'm faced with such situation, so the best is to not bother and stop cracking my head to think... I'd want to have some food first 'cos I'm getting hungry... I need fuel to power my brain to think more positively anyway...

Be good to myself, and everything is gonna be Alright...

Impression Board

2007-07-29T23:59:00.000+08:00

My Impression Board is Up!!! With all the Goals and things I want; to lead a lifestyle I've always wanted to... So instead of thinking and dreaming about it, I've been collecting those pictures from magazines in portrayal of a kind of Life I want to live... Be good to myself... That's why I came up with this idea of an Impression Board, and place it right in front of my Mac, which also faces my bed...

In every morning I wake up starting from tomorrow, it's gonna be the first thing I see, keeping me motivated and inspired to work towards the Life I want... What you perceive the first thing in the morning, it'll just get into your head... When you're sleeping, your brain basically rewire itself to get ready for your next day's work, hence what you provide to your brain first thing in the morning (via your eyes, hearings and sense of touch), it'll just register it... That's why it's always the best period of time your brain absorbs the best, and work the best... Try playing Mozart's music in your ears when you wake up, gradually, you'll soon realise how well each melody goes... This is how often I train my own hearing and music sensitivity when I'm learning my Violin... If this works well for me, I believe the Impression Board too...

This is my Impression Board... from Staying Beautiful (this is what all women want Okie), live wealthier, able to have a vacation, having my own Biz, stuffs I want to finding True Love... And of course, live and stay Green... It's all in this Impression Board...

Market Sways and Swings

2007-07-28T23:59:00.000+08:00

Had a rather excited morning today... I'm taking over my mum's role to the wet market to get some ingredients for tonight's dinner (Yeah!!!)... Alone, yes, I went to a wet market near my place alone without my mum... Unfortunately for me, it rained and the surroundings felt cold... Kind of disheartening as I'm expecting myself to be back home with sweat and not rain water...

So, before the rain gets any heavier, I brought an umbrella with me to the market, making fast and wise choices, I bought home 2 slices of fish, some pork, some veggies, carrots and potatoes... All done within less than 30 minutes (Good time management ah)... Right after this, I moved up to the ground floor to McDonald's and got some Lunch back for my brother and myself, as this is the most convenient spot to get Lunch back in the rain... What I had gotten back was bags of plastic bags containing the meat and vegetables and food from the market and McDonald's... When I witnessed how much the fishmonger's wife pack those fish for me (3 plastic bags for my fish!!! Wow!!!), I felt uneasy and regretted not to get a groceries bag to the market... A sudden urge within me; I feel so much to teach those vendors to encourage their buyers to bring their own groceries bag or trolley instead of giving them plastic bags by offering some rebates... The vendors are basically giving plastic free to every customers they patronise to their stalls... If this can be done, I think this will save a lot of money on both the sellers and buyers in a regular long term basis - just by saving the cost of getting and giving plastic bags on vendors' side and a few cents savings to all buyers... Also it's much environmental friendly... (Stay Green, stay Green, Be green... Hee)

Back home just in time for The Oprah Winfrey Show, this weekend on Global Warming; Global Warming 101 with Al Gore... Oh ya, I know it's last year's show, but anyway that's what Hallmark is offering on Cable... And this really explained how horrible the weather is for recent years and especially for this year, even at Singapore, which is situated near the equator is not getting any better either... It's coming to August now and it should be the hottest of every year in Singapore, but recently, the weather seems to be going mad... It has never stopped raining for a couple of mornings and afternoons where it's supposed the Sun rules...

For the deeds of all Mankind, what'll happen next??? Only God knows... Come on, can't we just live a little bit Greener and wise up all the money... Hey, I'm always a poor student and I pay for every single cent of my tuition fee since my late Secondary School days till my undergraduate studies, staying green does helps... "An Inconvenient Truth" is a worth watch, by the way...

Life

2007-07-27T12:00:00.000+08:00

Image Adopted from chiaroscuro

As such is Life... I was feeling Bored in my Lab sometime in April... In process of molding into a better Persona... Rules of Life comes in... leads to in depth pondering...

Repeated Lessons or Pure Coincidences???

Women in the Scientific World

2007-07-26T23:59:00.000+08:00

Can't help being so fascinated by those WildLife on Planet Earth... Hence, I went to Discovery site to read more about it... While I was surfing their site, I subscribed to their Video Podcast via my iTunes... That's when I realised I've not been listening to the Podcasts I've been subscribing - NOVA ScienceNOW, Science Friday and Skepticality... It's over 90 un-listened subscribed Podcasts... Wow...

As usual, and as I do prefer, I "dug" and listened to those archives... So, early this morning on my way to Biopolis (my workplace), I listened to "Women in Science" Podcast by Science Friday (released on 27th August 2005... Oh ya I know it's like 2 years back... quite an old archive) on my bus ride... Seems to be everything is being "put into place", and for a valid reason behind why this archive was being chosen, I'm actually at the stage of assessing my career prospect in Science; whether I'd like to stay or move out to something else... More women are taking Science in their undergraduate studies and this looks encouraging, however when most of them got their PhDs, Post-Docs, etc and ready to get promoted, they begin dropping out... And it's just a very little percentage (<15%)>Science Journal 2 years back, they documented 4 barriers that are holding women back, preventing them from further advancement in Science or forcing them out of Science completely... It's the Pipeline - very few women can actually reached up to higher levels or positions... and 'cos of this, lots of them don't feel very welcome when they step into their Laboratories, despite the situations are much warm up now... Then, there's an unconscious biased which puts most women at great disadvantage... especially women are being judged more harshly then men when in comes to competitions for grants, awards, prizes, etc... Finally, the problem in balancing family and work for women, as women seems to have more responsibilities to take care of the family... When deadlines are tight and harsh, pregnant women and mums may not be able to meet the stringent requirements...

After finishing the entire Podcast, I was almost reaching my Lab... First feel I stepped in, I felt chilled... Not entirely encouraging... When one of my Post-Docs told me the cells I transfected yesterday is not working, I'm off the project for the entire next 2 weeks... Not that it's me who ruined the experiments as those cells are not prepared by me... And when experiment goes wrong, there can be tons of reason behind it, or we may not know the cause either... However, it's inevitable to let people misunderstand... Base on the fact that I'm still working on my degree, neither am I a A* Star scholar, despite I can make a good cut in Science, I still can't see the nearest of my potential here... and sometimes it can be so discouraging that I'd ask, "Why am I still here?"...

Have been months of self-assessing, I realised I really can't work in a workplace which is unorganised, and experiments left unplanned... Not so much just 'cos I'm a woman but it's 'cos I'm an organiser freak... from my books, media, clothings to even my makeup with the pouch, I organised them in systems and order... Apparently, most Labs I walked through the building, 9 out of 10 are messy Labs... and this speaks a lot towards my incompatibility with Science... The one and only highly organised Lab that I ever worked in was with Natasha, at Johns Hopkins Singapore... Well, she has been repatriated back to JHU due to an unsightly event that happened last year between JHU and A* Star... Looks like I may have to start thinking how to move out from Science...

Going Green and Discover Our Planet Earth

2007-07-25T23:59:00.000+08:00

Though it's past archives, watching The Oprah Winfrey's Shows on Hallmark is still that exciting... For 2 days, it's all about the Earth... Going Green and From Ants to Elephant...

For an environmental conscious person like me, these shows will just be more great than ever, I just love them!!! What can I further comment about it??? It's just SOOoo Great and Amazing... How I ever wish I could be on these shows to get those freebies Oprah is giving to the people on the show... It's really very generous on her side to create such an important awareness... I'm deeply inspired and influenced as well... It's so on par with my mind... Especially when it comes to the environment friendliness, I'm rather particular... Recalled a field trip I went when I was in Secondary 3, I've been to 2 places in the West side of Singapore, Ulu Pandan Sewage Treatment Plant and the Incinerator Plant nearby... The places are of course, pungent and unsightly... My classmates were cursing and swearing, and how they wish to get out of the place ASAP... But it's still a very useful educational trip to let students know how limited the Earth spaces has given to us... There's only one landfill in Singapore (Semakau Landfill) and the lifespan is almost due, if I were not wrong... With the increasing population in Singapore, plus the blooming Biomedical Sciences industry, I think this is going to be a real problem... Singapore has a Green Plan and set to achieve its goals by 2012... This seems rather good but I'm very sure not all locals are fully aware of this... Moreover, the concept is too much of a national concern than international, which is kind of disappointing as it's the Earth that we are living in, not Singapore alone...

The Animals from Planet Earth is fascinating!!! Though I'm not a real animal lover compare to Zack, I do enjoy the natural nature side of all Animals... It's just that amazing to know how Animals embrace one another... It's another form of love found in the wild that can be unconditional and touching... I really admire the works of those Discovery crews which took them more than 2000 days to film these Animals... In comparison to just a normal 2hour movie film, it's like more than 2years!!! And movies don't take that long!!! Wow... I feel so much to get these DVDs just because for all for their hard work they have put in... Anything where humans and props are not involved, it's going to take a hell lot of effort and it can't be as easier to make an action film... Far more than just writing a good script, get the actors in place and start the film rolling... That's why I love animated and documentary films more than movies!!! Alright, I think we should start channeling our appreciation to these people...

The Uniqueness of Every Talent

2007-07-22T23:59:00.000+08:00

"All Human joys are swift of wing, for heaven doth allot it;

That when you get an easy thing, you find you haven't got it..."

Phrases that I had written on one of my Calligraphy works when I was in my Secondary school days... Art lesson... I still keep it, together with some of my Art Works, which most of them have some yellowish spots on them... Those papers are not acid free, that's why...

And here is what I've found... those rummages... of all those kept works of mine... Back to once I was inspired to be a Fashion Designer... hence the creation of KatSigner, where Kat- is the prefix from my name, Kat-ie and -signer is the suffix from the word De-signer... A nick I've been using for the past 9 years (and still using now)... However, those works I used for an interview as my Portfolio 7 years back in a Fashion School was rejected, just because I fused too much of Art inside and they suggested me to enroll into a Fine Art School instead... Well, in the end I went back to my Biotechnology course solely 'cos of monetary issues...

Breezy Girl and The Deceptive Mask...

The Cellist...

Lady in Depiction...

In Deep Thoughts...

A couple of my designed Apparels sketches which I never submit for my review...

I was never taught how to draw and the ability to draw since age of 3 was inborn, but I wasn't fully exploited due to my ignorant family background... Hence, I can only pick up drawing lessons in Classes from my General Education (Primary and Secondary)... My natural inborn ability to draw creatively without much of great guidances always made me a favourite pet to all my Art Teachers... giving green eyes to others, and popularity to my classmates and Language Teachers... whom all of them think I'm talented to be an Artist when I grow up... And it never happened, I'm working in a Scientific Research Laboratory now!!! Ironically surprisingly... Just like the pair of flexible wrists and long fingers of mine thats meant for the violin, which most of my violin teachers keep talking about it all the time... But I was never a Violinist, just 'cos I didn't play the violin since young... Again, not an exploited one when young... Chosen by Nature, but never by Mankind... Well, pencils and brushes are sealed for now, I've not been drawing and designing with my creativity for long... Bow and strings are kept, as I've fired my previous irresponsible violin teacher and still sourcing for one...

It's nice to reminiscence the past but I'm also grateful for the talents and the natural abilities God has given to me... Out of all the billions of Human Beings, I'm the chosen one to have these unique talents that's specifically meant for me, despite they were never fully exploited... It's kind of sad, but I shouldn't let these to drive my Life so badly... That's what making the unique Me up!!! These are more than enough I feel... Every individual is given a specific area of talent(s) that's meant to be yours, it's just whether you're fully aware of it and be appreciative about it... I feel it shouldn't be judged by the human eyes...

I'm may not be a well known or budding Artist, Fashion Designer or Violinist now or in the Future (which I may never know), but I still love to draw creatively and play music on my Violin as a form of pleasure... It's a matter of time and effort which allow me to schedule them into my Life nicely in an enjoyable manner, which I'm always working hard to make this happen...

"To be a De-signer of Kat-ie's Life..."

Chips Craves...

2007-07-21T23:59:00.000+08:00

Since yesterday till today, I was having some Potato Chips cravings... I had 2 small packets of Lays yesterday late morning and one huge pack of Farmland Oregon Fresh Original Potato Chips today... Mum and I actually finished the entire pack within less than an hour...

Hallmark Channel has squeezed all 4 "Oprah 4 Lifestyle" shows to Saturdays afternoon, hence for today, it was basically a all TV day for me... Woke up at about 830am this morning, prepared my Breakfast and I tuned in to History Channel, just browsing what documentary is on... "Modern Marvel:Demolition"... Wow... History of traced evolution of planned destruction... Following as planned, next on National Geographical Channel for "I Didn't Know That" and "Mad Labs"... making my well-spent morning quite a knowledgeable one... Well, I'm pretty taken aback by the fact that Money is actually very "dirty"; almost 90% of bank notes have drugs traces on them... On top of that, a wide range of commensals and other health threatening bacteria... That's why we are advised to wash our hands after handling money...

Back to the Oprah show... Whoa... Straight 4 hours of continuous shows; 2 on home improvement and 2 on dieting.... And this comes back to my crave in those Potato Chips... I was munching those chips while watching the Oprah show featuring diet programmes by Bob Greene and Dr. Oz... Looks like these programmes are not very applicable to me as I'm trying to gain some weight instead... Potatoes (all sorts of any - baked, steamed, cooked, fried, etc) are my likings, which is one of the major contributor to weight gain... But it seems not very appropriate for my petite frame... and I do see it as a concern...

Oh well, don't see me with green eyes, as people of such frame of mine can be subjectable to health risk as well, though those fats I've consumed may not end up showing up in my arms, belly and thighs, they may be blocking up my arteries right now... A much deadly "strategy" I supposed...

Looks like I've to stop those craves and think about how to eat healthily... Alright... no more potato chips for now...

Grandeur Life

2007-07-20T23:59:00.000+08:00

It's Zack's Birthday today... While thinking what eCard and phrases for him, I thought of giving him some quotes of encouragement... Kinda of a nice gift I'm thinking... His dream life just got started over at Australia, and I hope he's doing well there... Hence, recalled Little Foot gave me a source book of quotes of joy and encouragement, "These are the Gifts I'd like to Give to You" by Douglas Pagels... I decided to search for one that it's best for his eCard...

Undoubtedly, as I browse through the content page for a suitable quote, I was basically flipping through the pages and read a couple of quotes... I realised I never got to read them ALL!!! What a surprise... Those quotes may not serve as a "pushing" force to change my Life definitely, but they do have some pondering effects, which allows me to think deeply and in turn it might shape my Life into much better one...

Most quotes that strike my thoughts are mostly Anonymous... And this one of them...

"It is a grand thing to live - to open your eyes in the morning and look out upon the world; to drink in the pure air and enjoy the sweet sunshine; to feel the pulse bound and the being thrill with consciousness of strength and power in every nerve... It is a good thing simply to be alive, and it is a good world to live in, in spite of the abuse we are fond of giving it..."

Looks like I should learn how to appreciate each living day of my Life... In fact, everyone should, and stop bothering on trivial stuffs around us... It's kind of pointless...

Another quote by Anonymous on Reflection... I do love this much, despite I'm much of an idealist...

"Off in the distance, I see an old man sitting in a comfortable chair beside an open fireplace... No, this is not a picture of my father, or grandfather, facing life's sunset - it is myself...

I have decided now, in my days of prime, to be kind to that old man... I am going to be kinder to the body he will have to use... I am going to be more kind to the mind the old man will have to use... Like my body, I will try to keep it agile... It is said that old folks live in the past... I have resolved to give the old man some pleasant memories, some pleasant scenes to gaze upon... i want him to be able to look back and see deeds of kindness done, cheer brought into lonely hearts... I want him to look back upon some outstanding achievement...

I want to give the old man a quiet confidence in the future..."

So have anyone be any kinder to the vessel of theirs??? I'm trying to work hard on it... First of all, sleep early...
Grandeur Life, C'est La Vie!!! Cheers!!! =)