Pre-Wedding Pictures

Today marks the 14th day after our Wedding; 2 weeks we got wed... Still mesmerizing on our special day... Although our actual day photos are not out yet, I'm still flipping over our pre-wedding pictures over and over again... I do missed all the fun we had on that day with our photographer, Monica Eng from Vividshots... It's just so natural for us and I really love her style in photography... We indeed had so much fun together, taking pictures have never been so great before...

Over here I'd like to share a few of our pre-wedding pictures that I like the most... Also, I'd also like to thank Euzart Wong from Jawn Happy Ever After for these beautiful Cheongsam & Gowns, Eric from Personality Menshop for the handsome suit and shirts, Ophelia Tan from Pretty Box for the gorgeous hair-dos and make-up, Nic from Flores Inc. for the beautiful hand bouquet... Without these wonderful and fun-loving people, these pictures will not turn out to be that great... Big Cheers to them!!!

Our full Wedding Album can be viewed in my Facebook profile HERE!!!

Taken along Balestier Road...

Taken within a coffee shop along Balestier Road...

Taken at Grand Shanghai...

Taken at Hort Park...

A Remembrance; My Wedding

Finally, I got my Wedding on the 10th December 2011; one of the sweetest moment I ever had with my hubby Lionel in my entire life. I thank God for this, to be with me till the day I wed on this special day... It has been tough on us to be together and gone through the Wedding together, marking a significant day of our lives...

It has past 9 days, I'm still mesmerizing on that day as though my Wedding is still alive... I greatly missed the day... Finally, it was a grand finale for Lionel and I after we have been through so much to get together... This marked the beginning of our marriage life together as husband and wife... In remembrance, I want to keep this day in mind deeply as a reminder to myself that it was never easy to be together as a couple... For all the turmoils we have been through that have lead us this far was indeed God's grace on us...

I'm thankful for our videographer, Christopher Tay from Ichiro Films who has captured the moment for us and create a story for us that touches our hearts... This video was captured in Mandarin, a language that I had used to express my emotions and feelings to Lionel in days when we were at our toughest...

Translation in English:

Title: You . I . Happiness

"We are not Perfect..."
"It's fate that had brought 2 persons of different thinking together..."

"Do you recall you had once told me that we can't have misunderstandings?"
"Therefore, I'd like to let you know I've never thought of leaving you..."
"After we've been through so much, I hope we can build a beautiful tomorrow for our future..."

"Fight for your own happiness, agree?"


你 . 我 . 幸福 from Christopher Tay on Vimeo.

A Release...

Finally, I braced up and made the very first step to move on for a better start... For a better well being and to lead a better future, I truly realize the gist of being truthful to myself and take on self-responsibilities...

For nearly 10 years, even when I was a teen, I tend to have this ideal perception that life will be much better as I grow up... To my real horror, it's the facts of life; my life situation(s) didn't actually improve... All things literally have gone way out of my hands... I thought I'm smart enough to manage all aspects of my life - my career, finances, relationship, family, etc. etc. etc... It finally occur to me that I've been losing myself so much that when I realize what I should be doing it in the right way; I feel so brand new... Still in a daze, trying to re-know the new me...

I couldn't believe it... It's like finally seeing myself how wrong can I be in the past... Through God's grace, I finally get to understand why the horrifying acts of human can be so wrong... Instead of viewing them negatively and starting to be judgmental, I've re-looked human behavior in a different manner... I started to know why and the reason behind... All things suddenly appear to be very simple and straightforward... It's like God has displayed everything out clearly for me without any gray area... Right now, I'm able to give thanks within my heart with true gratitude...

I still have the old me in me... Old habits die hard... I've to learn the art of patience and endurance in order to overcome the bad self of mine... I've the confidence I'll strive hard and look forward in great positiveness without looking back.. 

Looking Forward

Things have cooled down... Still feeling negative at times... I slurred this afternoon... I presented myself at the very best, though not as satisfactory as I thought what I want to be, I begin to be more kind to myself... It's ok... I've done my best... Things are actually not that bad...

I deserve all the good treats I should give myself... A pat on my shoulder... I've done well for today and I'm positive that things will go well as what I want it to be... Looking at the bright side, everything will just be fine and I'll be a happy person again!!!

It will be a good start... I'm looking forward for a better tomorrow...

Through Thick & Thin, We will go through this together

"I promised to love you, honour you, comfort you and keep you in sickness and in health and be faithful to you so long as we both shall live..."

This is our marriage vows; vows that we made to each other 2 years ago... Although I have gotten things into perspectives, I was down to negativity yesterday... Suddenly, I got this very negative thought that Lionel has given up our marriage... I started to picture myself in misery once I learn about this... Even I'm well prepared for the worst, to certain degree, I'm not ready to face a cruel fact posted to me... I felt despair... I lost track....

It took me quite some time to bring myself back and gear towards the bright side of life... I shouldn't worry for the worst, in fact I should prepare for the best... When I realize I'm no longer alone in this world, I get into this deep understanding life is still very much worth living for... For 10 years, my life is never a bed full of roses... Because of my pride, I was brave to lead another day... This world is beautiful and I'm definitely worth living to be part of this world... I thank God for this, deeply...

The very first thing I need to do is to love myself more, forgive myself and learn to embrace myself... In order to love Lionel the way I want, this will be the very first thing I need to focus on... I know Lionel needs to be more kind to himself, he can't always lead his life by pleasing everyone around him... Seeing him suffer in this manner is the deepest pain I can ever have...

All I want to do now is to continue encouraging him, to change for the better for the benefit of a better self... I want him to learn to love himself and embrace himself more... He had finally responded to my messages and willing to talk... Though his message is just that short, the picture he has sent to me already speaks everything...

I truly believe we can have a good start and a better tomorrow...

The Art of Patience

I've sent Lionel a card, an envelope of our dating & ROM memories with some short messages and an email expressing my feelings in Chinese... He has not been really responding... I started to get impatient... The moment I started to feel angry, I came here and started to blog...

I do not know since when I started to get so short temper and impatient... Perhaps it's my job, the societal pressure and maybe it's the environment... I don't know... It could also my feel in need to catch up the lost I had and been running hard against time... All these can be the reason(s) behind... But it is no longer important now because right now patience is going to be my friend...

I made several posts in my Facebook wall, in hope Lionel can read them.. My thoughts, my realization, and also how I'm doing at work and home... He knows I hate Mondays because Mondays are the days I'll have to go home late due to late night meetings... Thinking back, after I'm out from the office, I'll always call him and tell him how much nonconstructive talks we had during meetings... I'll complain to him about my boss, how much he likes to beat about the bush and never gets to the point... Blah blah blah I will go on and on... Sometimes I just never stop... I believe he knows I'm not liking my Mondays for being so blue and dark... And he has been listening and never hang up on me except for a few times, our lines got cut off.

You know...Very ironically, at most times when we quarrel over the phone, the line will just get cut off when I'm too angry and started ranting a hell out to Lionel... When I called back, or he called back, he said the line was cut off... It can seems that he did it deliberately, but it was a known fact to us that the reception in my place sucks, esp. in the kitchen... Lines can get cut off often; Lionel called the service provider once for clarification and felt like telling them off and stop cutting our lines off while we are fighting over the phone... Hahaha... Thinking of this do amuse me... ~Sign~ Now we are not really talking over phone like what we used to every night... One week and two days have passed, and I don't know what are his thoughts, and how is he feeling... It is indeed worrying to me... I had dropped him a few SMSes to his mobile and hope he could at least respond but he didn't... I plan to go over to our new home this Saturday and I had made this known to him, hoping he can come and talk...